The Post In Which There Is A Sundry of Items

A In Which The Day Quickly Fades

These were my thoughts when I woke up this morning: I'll get the boys dressed, run over for a quick playdate with their pal Xander, run to the store to finish up Easter necessities (a dozen eggs to color, for one extremely important item), and I'll be home by 3:30 to clean house and have a few hours for reading/playing with Sean's castle/catching up on blogs/etc., etc. etc.
What is it that they say about the best laid plans?
For one thing, I usually underestimate the time it's going to take to get all three of us out of the house. It doesn't take me that long to get dressed and ready to go...but then there are the juice cups to grab, the extra Pull-ups to remember, oh - that box of clothes for Xander, and I know I put my phone down somewhere....
Anyway, by the time everything was packed up in the car (including children), it was almost eleven o'clock. Playtime was fun - we went outside for a while, where their azalea bushes are crazy in bloom, and watched as three kids three and under attempted to play nicely.
We left about two and entered the realm of Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart on a holiday weekend. What was I thinking? Especially about myself, because if I had taken the time to honestly say - I have the hardest time making up my mind about which particular grass to buy for Easter baskets or what color, exactly, I need new toddler socks to be...I might have just gone on home and ventured out after dark when the boys were at home with Neil after his dress rehearsal for the Easter play. But I didn't think it through and so the time-sucking fangs of Wal-Mart - won, yet again.
And when I had just gotten to the register - after waiting for twenty minutes in line - I got this call from Neil:
N- "Hey, where are you?"
me - "Checking out. Finally."
N - "Real quick, get out of line. I need some solid red shorts to go underneath my costume for tonight."
me - "Um. What?"
N - "Solid red shorts. Not too baggy. And not with any markings. To go under the soldier costume."
me - "That's what I thought you said."


Three stores later, I found the appropriate shorts. He has a solo in which he ends up kneeling, so the shorts really were needed, and needed by six pm...but wow. Not the afternoon the kids were looking for, to say the least. They were remarkably well behaved, though, so we all rewarded ourselves with a chocolate chip cookie and Hi-C fruit punch from Subway.
It was well after six o'clock by the time we pulled up in the driveway and by the time I had cleaned up the kitchen, found the rest of Neil's costume stuff, and boiled eggs for coloring later on tonight...it was somehow dark-thirty.


B, In Which Two Sentences Exhibit the Joy of A Carrie-Friend

1. She made double banana pudding, just so she could share.
2. She voluntarily helped me to tuck my newly planted flowers in for the night, to protect them from the frost - literally, under light sheets...and she didn't make me feel that crazy for doing it.


C, In Which I Discuss Reading, Writing, and a Resolution

I've taken a few days off from the novel-writing, to splurge in a bit of a reading-fest. I'm so excited about all of the books lying around the house (from a used-book store run and the library on Tuesday) that it's been way too hard to stick to just one book...I've found myself trying to read five at the same time. You don't, um, get too far like that. I've found that when working on the novel gets a bit frustrating (as it was earlier this week), a good book binge is helpful fuel. I totally and completely concur with that age-old wisdom - if you want to write, you must read. For me, it's especially essential in a dry spell. When I read some really good writing, it makes me excited about language again...it makes me want to try my own hand at the craft.
Anyway, my frustrated post reaped some encouragement, which was much needed and appreciated...and it inspired me to make a decision - I'm going to try to get up an hour earlier than everybody else, at least every other day, for solid writing time. Not a terribly innovative idea, but one that's been difficult to carry out, since...I'm, um, fond of my pillow. I usually don't get to bed until late, so the early morning (pre-kids waking up) thing is something I should probably already be doing but haven't had the will power to try. I figure if I make a public intention to do it, I might be more prone to follow through. So you've seen it here- my way-past-new-year's resolution.

D, In Which I Am Excited About Proust!

So Luisa over at http://www.novembrance.blogspot.com/ posted an entry about how she and a friend were going to re-read In Search of Lost Time, the classic series by Proust. I have never read Proust before, and she piqued my interest with her description and obvious excitement. I checked out Swann's Way and by page two realized that I was definitely going to have to read the entire series. Anyway, we have a page so that we can all discuss the books as we read along...if you're interested in reading the books with us, or just in checking out the discussion, head over to http://www.teaandmadeleines.blogspot.com/.

E, In Which I Ramble About the Nature of Hope

A certain wonderful friend of mine had some high hopes sort of dashed against glaring rocks yesterday. And I've been trying to come up with something comforting to say to her, because I know that she's feeling a bit down...this is all I've managed to come up with.

Hope is a strange thing. We try not to do it sometimes, in order to save ourselves from disappointment (though it's usually still there, down in the basement with the lights turned off and the deadbolt locked)...it's an emotion of anticipation, of belief that the things that we want or need are morphing into reality. When those things don't actually materialize, we can feel let down. Angry that we let ourselves get worked up....maybe even sort of foolish, for indulging in expectation. We tell ourselves that we won't let it happen again - we will work on lowering our expectations.
Don't do it. If we stop hoping - especially when it comes to attaining our dreams - then we are essentially taking away a bit of the belief we hold in ourselves. If you lower your expectations, then you're robbing yourself of greater opportunities...and I know that good-hearted, hard-working people are deserving and capable of handling these greater opportunities. And even if it takes longer than expected, they will come. Don't lose a propensity to hope for marvelous things...sometimes we have to hold onto faith in the unexpected, in the out-of-nowhere grace that life can give. Hope has gotten us to where we are now, in one way or another. It'll get us to the next place.

and F, In Which I Say "So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye"

(The Sound of Music is on ABC Family all weekend, starting tonight.) So..."I flit, I float, I fleetly flee, I fly. The sun has gone to bed and so must I..."

Hello, Moon

A few weeks ago, I went on a grocery run one night after Neil got home from work. Sean decided that he wanted to go with me- on the way to the car he stopped and looked straight up into the dark sky. "Mommy," he said, "look at the moon! Look at all the stars!"

So I stopped with him and looked up at the thick spread of stars hanging heavy over us, at the nearly full moon. "I see them," I said. "They're beautiful."

He waved his little hand towards the sky. "Hey, Moon! It's me, Sean!"
I smiled and watched as he kept his eyes trained on the glowing orb. His next declaration was said in an 'I'm 3 years old and offended' indignant sort of way - "Moon! I said hey! Say hey to me!"

A long pause, in which he stared into the sky with a scowl on his face."Say. Hey. To. ME!"


Haven't we all felt like that before?

It's a Christie-ish Sort of Day...

A Christie-ish sort of day...which means the boys and I had lunch from Chick-fil-a (we love our chicken, as all good Southerners should), followed by a trip to the library(Godwin! Proust! If You Give A Mouse A Cookie!), followed by a perfect cup of coffee (made by yours truly. which for the rest of the world means way, way, way too much sugar), followed by house cleaning while watching an Audrey Hepburn movie (Paris, When It Sizzles)...
It absolutely thrills me that Sean and Christian get excited when I tell them that we're going to the library...Sean randomly told me that he wanted a Blue's Clues holiday book before we got there, and so I let him ask the children's librarian for it...it was his first official request to the librarian. I know it seems like a small step, but to me - he is searching for books. I've somehow communicated to him the joy in that...which is happy, happy, happy. I didn't even mind having to hush him every 3 seconds when he kept yelling about something else so cool that he had seen on a shelf...Christian can't ask for specific books yet, but he sure does do a great job of flipping through all of the kiddie board books and 'talking' about them at the top of his lungs. "Ball!" "Tree!" "Happy Birthday TO you!"
I'm sure the librarians downed a few bottles of Tylenol after we left.


Anyway, today started out in an unexpected discovery...thanks to the mega brain of Google.com...I happened to think of googling my dad's name...I was curious to see if his church web page would pop up. I'm not sure if it did or not - I got distracted when the third search result showed up with his name on a genealogy page. I clicked it and discovered that some distant relation found that side of my family on some side of her family...and so she did the research that took my direct ancestry all the way back to 1776. I didn't have time to fully investigate all of the information, but the coolest thing I've found so far is the actual will of my great (times 5) grandfather, (James) Levi Bailey. He was born in 1776 and died in 1851...his will is on file in the Madison County courthouse. This sort of thing fascinates me in general - to be able to read the actual words of one of my ancestors like this is incredible. Some random facts that I found interesting - Levi served as a captain of the third regiment of the militia from his county in the War of 1812 and Baileys Mountain in Madison County was named for him. I'm sharing the will here because it's such a glimpse into another era of our history...I particularly love the way that he wills away five dollars each to some of his children...and also the "smith tools and still and waggan". I'm excited to poke around a little more into the ol' family tree...it's all of those people falling in love and having children and making lives for themselves that brought me into existence...and my own little munchkins, too. I just wish that there was record of more besides death certificates and marriage dates - I'd love to know the stories behind all of these names. Who were they? What did they make of their lives and what did they think of this world? It's improbable that I'll ever really know - but it certainly is fun to imagine each generation in their time, farming and preaching (as it seems every other generation chose to do), and making their place while they were here. If I could speak to them, I'd have to say thanks - thanks for beginning a heritage for my grandparents, for my dad and his siblings, for me and my own...and for my babies. I hope that I can continue it in a way that would make them proud.
And now enough of my rambling. In his own words, Levi Bailey:



Last will & Testament of Levi Bailey sr Dec'd State of North Carolina March the 31st 1851


Madison County

In the name of God amen, I Levi Bailey seignior do hereby make my last will & testament in manner and form following towit, Knowing myself at this time to be sound in body and memory, my will and Desire is to dispose of what property and estate I now have or may have at my death as follows, and first it is my and desire that my son Levi Baily and his children have three hundred acres of land and.fifty acres on the east joining said lands -2 it is also my will and desire that Elizabeth Crowder and her children have part of the 200 acre tract, all on the west side of the ridge that runs through the plantation where I now live3 and also it is my will and desire that my grandson Levi J Baily have all on the east side of the ridge4 and it is my will and desire that Sarah McMahan,and her children have one hundred acres of land beginning on the corner of the 200 acre tract inculding the building where I now live it being two thirds of a hundred and fifty acre tract and runs from east to west5 and it is also my will and Desire that my grand son James M Bailey have all the lands above the lands of Sarah McMahans first - fifty acres. 2nd, 150 acres. 3rd, 100 acres of land. 4th fifty-acres of land. 5 - also 100 acres of land laying at the head of the branch that I live on6th and it is also my will and desire that Elizabeth Crowder and her children have the tract of land that they now live on contain 130 acres more or less and if I should dye first, it is my will and desire that my wife and the family should live here together till her decease both whites and Blacks, and work together as they formerly have done, and at her decease she can dispose of what she has at her will, and those of my children not mentioned in this will, have all had their parts - towit Allen Bailey Dec. and Nancy Jervis, Dorcas Anderson, Willey C Baily Joyce Holcombe and Polly Holcombe, but these six I will five Dollars a piece at my wifes death what of my property that is left behind, Stock of all kinds to equally divide among four towit - Sarah McMahan Elizabeth Crowder & James M Baily & Levi Bailey Jr and it is also my desire that the Black woman letty be free at my death and my wifes --- and at my wifes death my will and desire is my -son Levi Baily and grandson James M Baily have my two Black boys.Jack & alfred and also it is my will and desire that my son Levi Bailey have the Cupboord and bureau and black – and it is also my will and desire that my son Levi Bailey and James M Baily have the smith tools and still and waggan --- and I do hereby appoint Riley Allen and Ira Crowder my executors to this my last will and Testament, Given under my hand and seal day and date above written under 'ined before assigned Attest Levi Baily

Sitting By An Open Window

If I were an artist, I'd paint the dogwood tree outside of my window.
It's in full bloom, the delicate white blossoms all curled up towards the sun on their thin branches...the dogwood is such a lady of a tree, isn't it? Lovely and elegant...but spunky, too - it takes a lot of courage for a tree to face the elements and keep on growing, year after year.
The world outside of my walls is a busy one right now...birds keep flying from tree to tree and it sounds as if they're in choir rehearsal at the moment (chirp-caw-tweetatweet-chirp)...a dog is barking somewhere down the street, and earlier I saw a yellow butterfly hovering over our too-long grass. One step outside and everywhere there's color, everywhere there are crickets jumping and birds soaring, everywhere there's life - and it's exuberant.
Spring makes me smile. It's for good reason that so much poetry is inspired by this season -
it's surprising and hopeful, tender and sometimes fierce, filled with so many varying elements that all add up to one eventual conclusion - new life.
God chooses to reveal His heart to me (and to you) just this simply, this clearly - through this backdrop He creates for our every day.


The sun has set since I've been sitting here. It's dark - and still, the birds are singing (the crickets have added to their musical mix). Still, there's the sweet fragrance of growing plants and still, the flurry of creatures large and small going about their errands.
And I am still in awe of His lovely, loving heart.


(A special hello to my aunt. It meant a lot to me to see that you had been here and taken the time to read some of my meandering thoughts! :) I love you!)

Trying to Keep Perspective

I'm desperately trying to get some writing done - but I'm at the point where I can't even finish a legitimate blog post. My children are my inspiration, my first priority, the greatest love-burst a girl could hope for...but sometimes I don't know how in tarnation I'm supposed to finish anything with their exuberant toddler-ness spontaneously combusting around me.
Usually I just close my notebook or the laptop and play for a while, knowing that they'll later fall asleep or get involved in a puzzle or each other enough to give me a solid twenty minutes or so of working done, but this week they've been clinging to me non-stop. Maybe it's spring fever...whatever the reason, my writing schedule has been officially disrupted. I'm just a better, more peaceful person when I have that little bit of me-in-imaginary-world time...so let's hope I get some quality work done soon. And then let's hope I somehow alleviate the mom-guilt that goes along with this kind of frustration. (Do you know the cycle? It goes a little like this - These are my children, growing so fast - I shouldn't waste a single moment wanting to be doing anything else...but there are only so many years left of my life and if I don't write what I'm writing, then it'll never get written and doesn't God ask that I do my best with any given talents...but being a mother is the highest calling...but characters a, g, and t are stuck midsentence in that confrontation and my brain is stuck mid-plot at all times...what's that, Christian? You need juice?)
(Exhale.)
Anybody else out there ever feel this way? (Please, please say yes. Please?)

Forecast

Yesterday was all sunshine and eighty degree breezes, windows all opened wide and fans whirring, a million trips in and out of the house barefoot, my hands in potting soil and happy petunias, a chapter of Anne Lamott's Blue Shoe on the front porch steps in the seven-thirty dusky warmth after the dishes were done and another load of laundry was spinning...a bright day has its own energy that gets me project-busy around the house and eager to play tag with the boys...it makes me linger on the porch long after the moon is up and I think of chasing fireflies, long time gone adventures in the woods with my sister and cousins, and all the springtime/summer exploring that has yet to be done by my own kids.
Today I woke to rain cannon-balling onto the roof...a dim light glowing behind the closed blinds. When I got out of bed and opened the curtains and blinds, the rain was slowly falling - drops perching all shiny and jewel-y on the new blossoms of the dogwood right outside of the boys' bedroom window...I opened the window a bit over the kitchen sink and was met with a fresh whoosh of cool air - we've exchanged the 80's for the 50's overnight. I made a cup of coffee and stood at the door to watch the rain come down - I think we were due for a day like this, and I don't mind it. A rainy day brings a sense of quiet - things go just a bit more slowly and the house feels a bit cozier. It almost requires a hot cup of something and a book - an extra long story time with the kids or a few hours to watch Little Women and bake something yummy. It is extra permission to dream. A placid rainy day is to the world like a long soak in the tub is to me.
Two days, two energies. Our Father sends both, because He knows that we need both. The basics of earth need both...the animals and the trees and the flowers require sunshine and rain...I have to remember, as the days march on (and sometimes it feels they march right over me) that it's the same with circumstances. We'll have a burst of blessings and then, sometimes, immediately following the blessing is a blow from out of nowhere - a heart hurts, an argument bounces out of control, things just don't feel right. It's so easy to ask God why when this happens - why me? Did I do something wrong? Was I ungrateful for the good things you gave me? There's usually not an answer as to why...I've come to realize that the good and the bad come equally to everyone, and it's because we need the good and the bad - equally. If we want to grow- as people, as mothers, as friends, as writers - we need the sunshine and the rain. Sometimes we need a thunderstorm, a hurricane, or a drought.
God is there in the cloudburst and in the sunburn and in the perfect butterfly-edged springtime...He knows what you need and He longs to walk with you through it. Sometimes He just wants to show you that it's possible to skip through the rain and splash in the puddles - and how good it is to dance with Him beneath the cloudy sky.

Home Away From Home, Part 1 : Sam I Am

I acted upon the afore mentioned contemplation of a visit home, in spite of the ants...fortunately, the pest control guy (my new hero) seems to have nipped the battle in the bud. I left on Saturday to go to my hometown (a little over two hours away)...this isn't where my parents actually live at this point, but it is where the church they pastor is...they'll move there when their current house sells. But almost all of my extended family lives there - both sets of grandparents, lots of aunts and uncles, lots of cousins. So I stayed there until Sunday night and then we traveled an hour and a half to my mom and dad's house. I finally packed up and left late this morning. It is hard to leave my mother's home cooking and my dad's funny comments and my siblings' dependable (silly) arguments...sometimes it is just good to pretend like I'm 14 again and still living in that safe haven under my parents' roof. (The two kids calling me Mommy usually brings me back to reality. :) )
I have lots I'd like to blog about - but time requires that I do it bit by bit.
And tonight, I am travel-worn (it's an hour and a half back to my house from my parents' place) and laundry-worn and a little bit homesick, as silly as that might seem. So I'll share just one major revelation of the trip.
Ready?
Here it goes.
I. Like. Cabbage.
No, wait.
I love cabbage.
My mom made an awesome country dinner last night and it included cabbage, which I've always claimed to hate.
I realized, as I watched everyone else take a serving, that I couldn't remember actually ever trying it...I just always assumed that I had tried it at some point and disliked it - how else could I actually be so sure that I hated it?
So I was a big girl. I tried the cabbage. I liked it so much that I had two helpings.
Sam I Am is absolutely genius. You really don't know what you're missing until you try it.

Mid-Morning Conversation

You need a little back story to understand this chat between Carrie and I...

A, Neil chopped down a tree in our back yard earlier this week. (with an ax and a garden hose. long story.)
B, I was contemplating a weekend trip to see my parents and
C, this week has also brought an exorbitant amount of ants into my house. I called our pest control place that does our bi-monthly spraying and told them I needed immediate assistance. He went underneath the house and reported that he had never seen so many ants in his entire working career. There were 10, maybe 15, colonies just scurrying around like they're paying the mortgage on the place.
D, we were a bit bored (the pre-lunch lull). Ok. We weren't all that bored. This is just normal behavior for the two of us. If we're nuts, at least we're the same kind of nuts. (But we prefer the politically correct term of 'quirky'.)

Here you go. A peek into our chat-life...


Carrie: another reason to retreat - invading ant army!

me: i'm sort of scared to leave the front, though...if i'm not here killing as I go, will they flourish and claim my house as their kingdom? Sort of like a conquistador?
Napoleon-ish?
Hitler-like?

Carrie: I don't know - I would say Hitler-like. Alexander-like.
Taking over the known world.

me: b/c at this point, i'm pretty sure they have it all mapped out. strategic in their little ant tents with little ant lanterns.

little ant spears and arrows

Carrie: little ant swords

me: little ant grenades
little ant cannonballs

Carrie: (I had that at the end of my sentence and took it off!)
little ant trojan horses

me: little ant flame throwers

Carrie: little ant shields!

me: little ant suits of armor

Carrie: little ant chainmail
(great minds...)

me: :)
little ant kamikaze planes

Carrie: I seriously think they are waging a war down there just like this, with little ant generals and all.
They use roly-polies as beasts of war.
they're pre-armored!

me: The war started because when the tree fell in the back yard, they took it as the Apocalypse -- they hid out in the nearest bomb shelter they could find and now they're having it out to take control of the post-apocalyptic world...
holy cow. little ant Hummers.

Carrie: olil!
made by, who else? Assembly lines of spiders.
They have the multiple arm thing going on.

me: ha! totally can see it...and they're biding their time, secretly waiting until the ants annihilate themselves so that they can take over...faulty wiring and such in the Hummers, you know?
And the ladybugs are like the elves, innocent and running away to find a peaceful paradise...using their soulful powers to save the grasshoppers and fireflies.

Carrie: oh, of course. Ladybugs abhor conflict.

me: of course. not like the regular beetles, who are eagerly drafted. can you imagine fighting a stinkbug?

Carrie: ew. no.
the beetle armies probably use smokebomb mushrooms as weapons.

me: makes perfect sense...
and they recruit mosquitoes to fly over the smoke and pour blood over the enemy, as to further confuse and disgust them.

Carrie: EW.

me: mosquitoes do it just for the fun of it. they're cold hearted, cruel sorts. they don't care which side wins, as long as they can distribute ugliness.

Carrie: I so believe that. That's one of Josh's questions to ask God. Why do they exist?

me: I think when Lucifer fell from Heaven and was spying on the newly created earth, he talked the mosquito into turning his abilities for evil...snakes are very convincing. they probably have a deal. snake won't eat mosquito if mosquito will annoy the heck out of humanity...originally, they were probably supposed to suck up juice from honeysuckles and gently distribute it among the squirrels.


And then we parted ways for lunch...and I spent the rest of the afternoon outside with Sean and Christian- pretending to have superpowers, looking for bugs in the grass, and playing a strange combination of football and tag.
It's official.
I've turned into an 8 year old boy.

Nichole!

Nichole Nordeman, one of my all all all all time favorites, has an interview over at Infuze Magazine...follow the yellow brick road to gain insights from one of the best Christian artists in the market today...

http://www.infuzemag.com/interviews/archives/2007/03/nichole_nordema.html

Spring! Spring! Spring!

Spring is officially in gear!!! This time of the year is bursting with fresh scents, bright colors, and an overall feeling of hopeful happiness. I thought I'd celebrate by throwing a little e.e. cummings celebration, complete with decorations. e.e. is one of my favorite poets and God is my favorite visual artist...so it's a perfect way for me to start the season. From me to you - a blogged bouquet.

O sweet spontaneous

O sweet spontaneous
earth how often have
the doting
fingers of
prurient philosophies pinched
and poked
thee
has the naughty thumb
of science prodded
thy
beauty how
often have religions taken
thee upon their scraggy
knees squeezing and
buffeting thee that thou mightest conceive
gods
but
true
to the incomparable
couch of death thy
rhythmic
lover
thou answerest
them only with
spring



in time of daffodils
in time of daffodils(who know
the goal of living is to grow)
forgetting why,remember how
in time of lilacs who proclaim
the aim of waking is to dream,
remember so(forgetting seem)
in time of roses(who amaze
our now and here with paradise)
forgetting if,remember yes
in time of all sweet things beyond
whatever mind may comprehend,
remember seek(forgetting find)
and in a mystery to be
(when time from time shall set us free)
forgetting me,remember me

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

i am a little church
i am a little church(no great cathedral)
far from the splendor and squalor of hurrying cities
-i do not worry if briefer days grow briefest,
i am not sorry when sun and rain make april
my life is the life of the reaper and the sower;
my prayers are prayers of earth's own clumsily striving
(finding and losing and laughing and crying)children
whose any sadness or joy is my grief or my gladness
around me surges a miracle of unceasing
birth and glory and death and resurrection:
over my sleeping self float flaming symbols
of hope,and i wake to a perfect patience of mountains
i am a little church(far from the frantic
world with its rapture and anguish)at peace with nature
-i do not worry if longer nights grow longest;
i am not sorry when silence becomes singing
winter by spring,i lift my diminutive spire to
merciful Him Whose only now is forever:
standing erect in the deathless truth of His presence
(welcoming humbly His light and proudly His darkness)



i thank you God for most this amazing
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
wich is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

Can Anyone Hear Me?

Neil brought home Blood Diamond last night, the Academy Award nominated film starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Djimon Hounsou, and Jennifer Connelly. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, it's based around the civil war in Sierra Leone back in 1999. The main thread of the plot concerns the diamond trade, which fueled the conflict.
This movie is not for the faint of heart. It's a clear picture of what was happening - villages massacred, children turned into rebel soldiers, men killing men....for money. For power. For no real reason at all.
This blog is called Whistling in the Dark, because the world is a dark place. In the eternal battle of good and evil, it sometimes feels like the evil is winning on this earth - and I truly believe that we, especially those of us who call ourselves Christians - are called to do what we can to spread hope. It is our calling to love...to keep up the melody of redemption that Christ began.
But sometimes I feel like I can do so little to make a real difference. Here I am, cozy in my house with my boys, with plenty of food and no real fear of stepping out onto my street. And in other parts of the world - people are being killed for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. In Sudan, for example, Darfurians are being systematically slaughtered by the government. Since 2003, over 400, 000 innocent people have been killed.
The thing is, that conflict isn't even over. I'm sure that we all studied the Holocaust growing up...those pictures of piles of shoes and bodies are ingrained in my head. I'm wondering what my kids are going to study by the time they're in fifth or sixth grade...what horrendous pictures and heart breaking stories will be in the text books that are taking place right now.
I know that bad things are bound to happen while we're here on earth. That's the consequence of actions that started with Lucifer waging war in Heaven and continuing it with mankind - he wants to drive this wedge between man and God, and being far from the heart of God naturally results in the disaster that is cruelty and hate.
But it terrifies me - the thought that one human being can be so infiltrated with darkness that he will simply do away with another human being as if they are nothing more than trash to be swept out of the way.
I think it is our duty, wherever people are hurting - whether it's in our town or state or Sudan - to reach out however we can. Jesus said that we will be known as His disciples because of our love for each other. And I'm sure that we can all agree that the love of Christ is a love of action - He didn't just talk about mending the broken. He did it.
So how do I help? I'm not sure. I will, of course, keep on writing my little stories in hope that they'll communicate some message of hope and love to those who happen to read them (because hope is important for all of us, no matter where we live or the problems we face)...but as far as these larger disasters...genocide, the slave trade (which still exists), oppression...how do I make a difference? Can I make a difference? When I think about all of this, it's so overwhelming - and I can watch a movie like Blood Diamond, which makes my heart break - and try to forget about it...or I can figure out how to get involved. There's peace now in Sierra Leone...but not without the effort of people who cared.
I'd love to hear some ideas. I've come up with some links to sites concerning these issues, which I'll list below.
You know, God cared so much about our pain that He sent His Son to bear it for us - how can I, then, neglect to show compassion?

http://www.genocideintervention.net/index.php
http://www.ushmm.org/conscience/
http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/

Bill Cosby Was Right

This is the greatest thing I learned during our sick weeks:
As my throat was really sore from coughing, I ate more Jello in the past two weeks than I have in the last two years. It's cold, smooth - the perfect food for an irritated throat. I figured the boys' throats were feeling aggravated, as well, so I offered the Jello to them. Sean just ignored it, as he has been for the past three years (he tends to refuse any food that can be eaten with a spoon) and I discovered the best thing - Christian thinks Jello is extremely funny. That is, as long as it's safely in its cup or on the spoon...if he can see it from a distance, he laughs out loud and points at it.
However, if you make it wiggle and jiggle after him, he suddenly thinks Jello is extremely scary. By this I mean that he actually screams and runs, glancing over his shoulder like the strawberry gelatin is going to bloom up and eat HIM.
Um, under medication, a certain mommy may have found this a tad too funny. (And without medication, I may or may not be still eating Jello just for the purpose of freaking out my two year old. Don't tell anyone. :) )
J-E-L-L-O...it's alive!!!!

Thoughts To Chew On - oops, that should be Thoughts On Which To Chew, right?

I've been non-stop editing this short story for two days. Hard to get the revising to stop. The deadline is today and I still have a few hundred words to cut. Yikes. To make myself feel a little better about this, I've copied down a few quotes from some of the great writers - if something is making you crazy and obsessive, it is good to know that there are people out there who commiserate.

"A work of art is first of all work." Paul Engle
"I spent all morning putting in a comma and all afternoon taking it out." Oscar Wilde
"Real seriousness in regard to writing is one of the two absolute necessities. The other, unfortunately, is talent." Ernest Hemingway
"My family can always tell when I'm well into a novel because the meals get very crummy." Anne Tyler

Still Breathing

So I think I've survived the sickest week and a half to afflict this house...well...ever. We're all still coughing and whiny and all that - but we've made it through the worst of the illness.
A longer post is in the works - for now, I just wanted to say thanks for the get well wishes. I hope that everyone has enjoyed the Daylights Savings Time gift of a lighter evening...and the fact that my Tarheels won the ACC championship! :) (Sorry, I wasn't sick enough to obliterate the annoying fan cells...)

Ick.

You know what happens to a person who is taking care of sick people?
Yup. She gets sick.
I don't feel quite as bad as I did yesterday afternoon, but I've got that whole congestion thing in my throat now - so that when I cough, it really and truly feels like I am going to choke and pass out onto the floor.
Which would be bad, for many reasons - the foremost being the children I still have to feed and clean up and stuff.
Too bad there isn't a stay at home mom boss-man to call and demand a sick day. I really want to snuggle into my bed (alone!) with the ipod and the Gail Godwin novel I'm trying to finish. AKA, I'd like to ignore the world until I feel like a functioning human again.
Too bad my boss-men are two and three year olds only concerned with Mommy playing hide-and-seek and Mommy distributing snacks in a timely manner, etc. etc. etc.
Maybe I can send myself into a time-out...

Duke Wants to Win a Game? Not in Our House!

No. 8 North Carolina Upends No. 14 Duke, 86-72

The game was a BLAST. Neil still felt a little icky, and Sean was sick at home with his grandparents, but none of that could stop us from showing up at the Dean Dome and screaming through the entire beat down of the Duke Blue Devils.

It was a great night to be there - we witnessed the annihilation of our hottest rivalry, the women's team won their championship and marched out to a standing ovation, it was Senior night, and the crowd was continuously fired up.

Except, of course, for the gentleman who tapped Neil on the shoulder after a particularly amazing dunk and asked him if he would please mind sitting down. Neil replied that, actually - he would mind. :) (He did make an effort, though, to keep the standing to a minimum after that. My thought - if you want to sit down and relax through the game...well. Stay home and watch it on the big screen, fella. )


The game ended with some drama - Tyler Hansbrough's bloody face and a stadium full of angry fans...in that interim when the refs were reviewing the play and trying to figure out how to call the blatant attack on Tyler, the fans were all on their feat - frankly, the refs would have been endangering their own lives if they hadn't ejected Henderson.

Check out http://tarheelblue.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/recaps/030407aaa.html for a full recap.

We're now the number one seed...and we're headed to a 2007 championship!

Go Heels!

Calling Mike Rowe

I'm playing nursemaid. Neil and Sean have both contracted some combination of fever/aches/upset stomach...what is better, on a Saturday night, then scrubbing up macaroni-laced vomit?
You know that show Dirty Jobs on the Discovery channel? They should send Mike Rowe into the life of a mom with toddlers still unable to take care of most of their personal business by themselves - icky on a regular basis, but during a stomach virus?
DEFINITELY Dirty Jobs material.

I Heart Dr. Suess

Happy Birthday to The Cat in the Hat!


Today is the fiftieth anniversary of a classic - and it all started with Dr. Seuss taking his list of words appropriate for beginning readers and creating a book that kids want to read.

Carrie started Sean's collection of Dr. Seuss books when he was born - and both he and Christian love to hear each one that's been added on holidays and birthdays. What's not to love? Dr. Seuss books ooze with color, crazy characters, silly rhymes. In Seussville, imagination is the law of the land. And who doesn't like to yell out - "I DO like green eggs and ham, Sam I am!"

There are several ways you can celebrate the birth of the Cat - take part in the National Education Association's (www.nea.org) Read Across America Day! Read The Cat in the Hat aloud (to yourself, to your goldfish, to your kids or your neighbor's kids) and be a part of the nationwide read-along. Check out www.seussville.com and send the Cat in the Hat a birthday card - for each card received, Random House is donating a book to the First Book organization (www.firstbook.org).

Every kid deserves to know the thrill of being transported to a new world through the written word...

In the words of the Doctor himself, from the book I Can Read With My Eyes Shut -


Young cat! If you keep your eyes open enough, oh! the stuff you will learn! the most wonderful stuff!

and

The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.

The Original Romantic

Isn't it true that the weather and nature can truly affect your mood? All of the studies showing that depression can be related, in some areas, to a lack of sunshine fascinate me...and I know that, for me, a warm breeze and the scent of fresh foliage can do a lot to improve my outlook on life. It's particularly interesting when you consider the fact that all of that outdoorsy stuff is the detailed handiwork of God meant to showcase His presence and personality. Our physical health can depend on being inundated in His physical works...just like our spiritual and mental health can depend on being inundated in His words and in His spirit.


Today God surprised me with the simplest hint of spring.The morning was a long one - I dragged the kids on a shopping trip that ended, after several stores, at Food Lion for grocery buying. They were as good as could be expected, but we were all cranky and exhausted by the time we drove into our driveway. I've had a lot weighing on my mind in general, lately, so the triple-threat of irritation wasn't the best turn of events. But when I stepped out of the SUV to start the process of hauling in toilet paper, food, cleaning supplies, small humans, and the inevitable fast-food paraphernalia, the first thing I noticed was tiny purple wildflowers spread out all over my front yard. In the long neglected flower beds, by the mail box, lining the driveway - little spots of lavender everywhere.I immediately felt rejuvenated and all of the crankiness slipped away...I guess flowers can just do that for a girl, no matter how they show up...but especially when they're hand delivered by God.

Crossing New Bridges

One of the most entertaining parts of being a mom is watching your kids develop new skills - those precious first wobbly steps, the surprise of peek-a-boo, the first time you hear a "mama" or even the first "For my birthday, I want a red Power Ranger helmet." (That one was courtesy of Sean a couple of nights ago.)
We have had another first.
This morning, Christian achieved a stage that most kids go through, one time or another.
That's right, folks. He stuck something up into his nose.
It was shortly after breakfast, for which he had a bowl of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Cereal - a fruity, pebble shaped (yummy) new cereal.
I was walking through the living room where he had been playing with his drum and a harmonica. He had stopped playing, though, and was lying in the floor crying. I went to pick him up and noticed that he had his finger stuck up his nose. Not a common posture for him. He didn't stop crying when I picked him up, which was kind of odd, too - I moved his finger and there it was. A bright yellow piece of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse cereal lodged in his left nostril.
He was not happy about it. It took a good ten minutes for me to restrain him enough to actually remove it. Probably most of the effort was going into my own attempt to act horrified about it - it's really not a safe habit, but it was soooo hard not to laugh at his nostril-stuffed expression. It was one of those the fun thing betrayed me! looks...
This, of course, made me remember the time that my youngest sister, Hannah, kept pulling at her nose when she was maybe two or three. Every now and then, we'd catch a glimpse of something shiny in there, but Mom and Dad couldn't manage to get a hold of whatever it was. Finally, they took her to the doctor and he pulled out a huge silver button. No idea how that huge thing got wedged in her baby nose.
I can't actually remember ever sticking anything into my own nose...I wonder what the appeal is...of course, I have my own stupid human trick that I discovered on the back seat of the bus in second grade during a game of mercy - I can bend one of my fingers all the way backwards until it touches the back of my hand.
Your turn. 'Fess up. What's your stupid human/strange childhood habit?

The Ten Year Old Girl Inside of Me is Squealing

http://icv2.com/articles/news/10122.html

Nancy Drew's making her comeback! What's not to love? She's tough, she's smart, she drives a kicky sports car, and she has a cute boyfriend...when I was ten years old I wanted to BE Nancy Drew. Heck, I still want to be Nancy Drew.

(you try saying Nancy without the Drew. It's just wrong.)

The Perks of Writer's Block

I'm experiencing mega-frustration with my current work-in-progress, and so I'm suffering irritation and working it out through procrastination. Not the ideal way to make a breakthrough, but for now it's all I can seem to do.
The silver lining? Once I've managed to clean the entire house and actually annoy my children with my 'hey, let's play this/color this/paint this/watch this'...I'm left looking for creative ways to expel some creative energy.
This afternoon, this resulted in a fantastic idea - Lite-Brite! I still have the one left over from childhood days, but I haven't actually played with it in about ten years...so out it came. I made a masterpiece lighthouse out of pegs and a light bulb - and let me tell you, it is still fun. It's currently sitting on my kitchen counter. I'm thinking I should just leave it there and call it art.
For those of you who don't have a Lite-Brite just sitting in a random closet, you can click on the following link and procrastinate to circa-1970 technology!
http://www.sfpg.com/animation/liteBrite.html
And now...I wonder if I can manage to find my Easy-Bake Oven...

Catching Up...

Thirteen Reasons I Love Wilmington, NC 1. Memories - high school was a great time for me, and all four years were spent running in and about Wilmington. 2. J. Michael's Philly Deli - the most marvelous cheese steak sandwich on the face of the earth. That sandwich, pickle, and sweet tea - I want it right this second. 3. The view at night when driving over the Cape Fear Memorial Bridge - the riverfront is always lit up and the river sparkles with the reflection. 4. Walking by the river - it's pretty, the shopping is fun, and the food is good. It's the ultimate hangout area. 5. Playing checkers in the window of Port City Java, sipping a mocha shake and people watching. 6. The historical houses - a candle-lit tour of the historical district is still on my to-do list, as well as a ride through the area in a horse drawn buggy. Gorgeous. 7. Easy beach trips - picnics, walks, swimming... 8. Day trip options - there's the aquarium, the Battleship, museums - a great place to drag a kid around. 9. It's so easy to convince yourself that you're on vacation - throw on flip-flops, mingle with tourists, stay out late! 10. Water, water, water - I love seeing it and it's everywhere... 11. The Salt Shaker bookstore/coffee shop...it's out of the way, super peaceful, and the ideal place to coop up with a book when you don't want to be bothered. 12. The Thalian Theatre - it's a historical theatre where productions are staged and artsy films are shown. A movie seems much more important when you're sitting in a fancy balcony. 13. The opportunities to catch various Hollywood film crews in action - and the chance to star in films yourself! (Okay, so I didn't exactly have a main role...but Carrie, Betsy, and I totally rocked our 'extra' parts in that movie....I definitely consider us movie stahhhhs....) I miss thee, O Wilmington, Port City of my dreams!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

5 Minutes For Mom

They Make a Mama Proud...

Sean loves to pose for a camera...



Christian and our favorite playdate, Xander...who needs toys

when you have the toybox?

Thursday Thirteen - What I love about Snow

Thirteen Things I Love About Snow...because we got an unexpected downfall this morning! 1. The way it makes everything quiet and white - there's a dream-like quality to a day with snow falling from the sky. 2. The crunch it makes under my feet. 3. The sound of neighborhood kids out playing and squealing - because they're home from school in the middle of the week and there are snowballs to throw! 4. I absolutely adore the frenzy it causes - here in the south, half an inch of snow and all of the schools are closed, there's not a loaf of bread left in the grocery store, and regularly scheduled television is preempted by a 5 hour long winter weather watch hosted by the local news station. 5. The way my boys look bundled up in layers and coats and hats and gloves...and the way their noses and cheeks turn pink. 6. I love that while we were out playing this morning, Sean said - "It's like Bob the Builder Christmas!" 7. It's such a pretty frosting on the trees and the porch and the street - it feels like a holiday with everything decorated by nature. 8. It's so fun to teach toddlers how to make snowballs - and especially how to throw them. The boys thought it was hilarious. 9. It's also fun that children can be so different - Sean was all about his "snow hat and snow gloves" and Christian was much more about - hey, lets throw all this stuff off and feel how good this stuff is on bare skin! 10. Sticking out my tongue and letting the snow fall onto it - and watching the boys scrunch up their faces and do the same, not quite sure what to do about the flakes flying at them. 11. Discovering what the snow-activities of choice are - Sean liked drawing pictures on the ground and Christian seemed to enjoy the 'take your gloves off and run from mom' game. 12. The simple joy of walking through a flurry, snow collecting on my jacket and hat, and watching the boys watch the flakes like it was the most amazing thing EVER. 13. The cozy feeling when I come inside - the warmth and the coffee, peeling off layers and being lazy - because it's a snow day and in North Carolina, snow days are all about rushing out to play and then cuddling up on the couch. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. http://beckydworld.blogspot.com/ 2. http://interstellaradventure.wordpress.com/ 3. http://www.wrongblog.com/

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Recap of My Brain

It's Tuesday at exactly 7:57 pm, and I am unreasonably tired. I usually don't feel like this until, oh - at least 8:14.
So here's what I'm doing.
On the ipod, I'm alternating between Switchfoot, Natasha Bedingfield, and Avalon's album of hymn remixes...and I'm listening obsessively to the podcasts from the Kindlings Muse, hosted by Dick Staub...
In addition to the usual Gilmore Girls and 24, I'm tivo-ing Gray's Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters, Veronica Mars, and Heroes. One day I will catch up.
I just finished reading A Song I Knew By Heart, by Bret Lott. His writing is breathtaking - it is literally so beautiful that it makes me cry. So I'm now reading Jewel, another of his novels. I'm working my way through Isaiah, as well, which is a book so threaded with rich language that it takes a while to soak it in. Nothing will ever be so amazing as the language of the King James Bible.
I'm working on several different writing projects - my novel, as always, and a short story for Faith in Fiction and Relief Journal's Daily Sacrament contest...both groups are in my links and worth taking a look at if you have interest in faith and the arts.
What else? Chocolate cake baking, finger painting, tower building, and in about two seconds - bath giving.
Goodnight, Moon.
(Yeah. Right. Like that's actually happening in the next four hours. I guess it's the hope that counts.)

Breath of Fresh Internet

I discovered some new websites that have already put some new spunk into my at home with the boys existence...they're so fun and informative that I have to share them. People, this first one is to me what Noggin is to Sean. The magazine and community for the new urban parent - www.babble.com. This has tons of links to entertaining blogs, cute baby stores, and good info, too - plus columns on everything from traveling with babies on band tours to breast feeding. This site makes me feel almost normal.
The second is www.kidscraftweekly.com... a crafty mom posts fun and, most importantly, easy crafts for young kids. These actually include pictures of her own kids making the project, which makes it much easier to accomplish. I'm telling you - I've made a list of craft supplies and am now salivating for pipe cleaners, glitter, and cardboard tubes.
And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go craft it up with toddlers.

Worth Much More than One Thousand

So Carrie got married on December 16th.


The entire weekend was a blast- we girls went out to dinner on the Thursday before (that's the picture above - she's in the center, as you can tell from the bride sash, and I'm next to her on the right) and we were all treated to an amazing dinner post-rehearsal on Friday night. As far as wedding weekends go - it was pretty perfect. Especially since the weekend coincided with my anniversary, which meant Neil and I had a kid-free stay in a pretty hotel in Wilmington to celebrate having made it through year number four. This year will be five, people - half a decade. Wow.
Anyway, Carrie looked like a princess and the wedding was gorgeous - all candle-lit and classically romantic. I was looking through some of the pictures she emailed me this week and decided to show off my best friend...here they are- the newly hitched Carrie and Josh.

Why Toddlers Cooperating Can Be Dangerous

Another kitchen disaster.
I was in our office/guest room/biggest tv in the world room this morning, working on the web-site for our business and chatting a bit with Carrie. This was post-breakfast, early morning playtime for the boys, which is usually a peaceful time. At last check, they were content with their puzzles in the middle of the living room and I had heard no alarming sounds...
And then.
Christian ran into the room with wide eyes and puckered lips - holding his hands out in front of him. Hands that were totally purple.
Two words. Grape. Jelly.
I washed his hands and sat him in his room while the bath water was running, as he was somehow sticky all over.
And I followed the trail of purple hand prints on the wall all the way to the small foyer, where I followed the purple foot prints to the kitchen where I discovered the squeezable grape jelly opened and spilled in a giant puddle of ooze.
Sean was still innocently playing in the living room, but I can only assume that he was employing his favorite new hobby - taking things out of the fridge - and had given the jelly to his brother. Who actually got the entire cap off of the bottle? No idea.
Apparently everything - and I mean everything - in my house needs child proof caps.
I mopped and re-mopped and mopped again. And still we have the stickiness.
What do I do? Keep my eyes on them EVERY second of EVERY hour of EVERY day?
Install booby traps in front of key areas?
Hire SuperNanny?
Demolish the house when they turn five and start all over?
Toddlerhood. The best reality show that isn't on television.

To Defer the Implosion of the Earth

So as Sean has grown and acquired the ability to speak, he has developed some very particular habits. He passionately demands that these demands are met - and if not, he acts like I've grown five heads and told him that Blue is out of clues. I'm not sure how normal it is for a three year old to be so picky about things - but his father is sort of the same way, so maybe it's hereditary. I thought I'd let you into the world of keeping Sean un-hysterical...

When giving him anything, be it goldfish or pizza or whatever - he wants five. Five. No more, no less.

If he needs a paper towel, it must be torn cleanly from the roll. If it rips at all, it's declared "broken" and immediately is discarded by his disgusted self into the trash can.

When getting out of the bath, he must stand on the toilet as he is dried off. And as we leave the bathroom, with the towel around him and in my arms, we have to stop and look in the mirror.

After teeth are brushed, they MUST be called 'shiny'.

Ketchup must be served with any and all meat. It's more important than the actual meat itself.

If given a sippy cup, it must be placed on the dresser next to his castle. Otherwise, it will not be consumed.

The face will be kept clean at all times. If he thinks I have food on my face, he will point it out and tell me to get a napkin.

The world will NOT keep spinning if he gets any plate but the yellow one. With the proper spoon and fork, of course.

All toast and sandwiches are required to be made into "Triangles, please Mommy!!! Please!!! Triangles!!!!"

These are the biggest issues, but there are many things that he wants done in a certain way throughout the day. And certain things he won't have anything to do with - moving rides, the mechanical Chuckee Cheese creatures, puppets, people holding him in the air like an airplane - I'm wondering if he'll grow out of this or if he's just a definite type A personality. We'll see. Until then I'll just keep trying to help him keep his world in order.

Thursday Thirteen - random facts about me

Thirteen Things about Christie 1. One of my biggest flaws is procrastination. 2. I love chocolate covered strawberries. So. Much. 3. The last song I downloaded was Rainy Days and Mondays by the Carpenters. 4. The last show I watched on TV was Veronica Mars on Tuesday night. 5. I'm currently (re)reading an anthology of short stories from Iowa's Writing Workshop. 6. I wish it would snow a couple of feet, so that my kids could experience snowmen. 7. Since becoming a work-at-home mom, I have definitely solidified my addiction to a daily cup of coffee. 8. I have also solidified my addiction to using the Spray Anywhere by Clorox. It makes me feel like germs have limited chance of survival in my house. 9. I don't mind washing/drying clothes...or folding...it's getting them actually put away that drives me nuts. 10. I have terrible luck with pets - every pet I have ever had has tragically died...so there's a stray cat that has been living on my porch for months and months. I feed her, pet her, but I refuse to get attached. I call her Cat. I figure there are worse things than being neutrally named after the kitty in an Audrey Hepburn movie. Such as death, which I just feel sure would follow any sign on my part that I like her. So Cat she is and Cat she will remain. Besides, I once tried to tell Sean that her name was Scarlett O'Hara (because of her green eyes), he angrily corrected me. "No! That's Cat!" Why argue? 11. I like playing with Christian's trains probably just as much as he does. 12. I am a loyal Carolina Tarheel gal. We have an awesome team this year and I'm saying it right here, right now - we're headed for the championship. 13. I took piano lessons for years and years...I'm not that great, but I hope to teach the boys to play. Until next Thursday... Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. http://joelysueburkhart.com/blog/ 2. http://www.patentprincess.com/ 3. http://almostsomewhatpositive.blogspot.com/ 4. http://www.tiggerprr.com/ 5. http://jadesymb.livejournal.com/ 6. http://its-a-raggedy-life.blogspot.com/ 7. http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-a4SO9mwwdaU7Mx0y0sc41xICV60MtPeDvA--?cq=1

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

Simile and Metaphor

A new story began twirling in my head yesterday...so my mind is in the land of Other. I jotted a few paragraphs down last night, but nothing substantial. I'm a bit frustrated, trying to figure out where these characters want to go, what they want to say. I'm sure we've all heard that the creative process is like giving birth; it is.
Typically, the process - at least for me - starts months before the story actually begins to take shape on paper. A certain quality of character might slide through my thoughts; a name, a career, a dream. I'll hear a song that sticks with me, a certain place may occupy a few minutes of my thinking time. A vague idea of plot may begin to simmer...but it takes a while for all of it to germinate, to come together in an "Oh! That's the story!" kind of revelation. It reminds me of those months before the first ultra sound....you know something's in there, but it doesn't hit you that the something is an actual baby until they rub you with cold gel and show you the inside of your uterus.
So now is the growing stage - the second trimester, if you'll stick with me on the comparison. The story fleshes out; you learn more about the characters, about their voices. You find out if it's a boy or a girl, so to speak. You have to keep motivation up; take those vitamins and keep the pen moving.
Once you hit that third trimester, you're ready to see that baby; you're ready to have the last line written. It still takes patience - patience to wait and make sure that you've made it all the best it can be. (You've got to get the nursery decorated and the pediatrician listed on the hospital forms.) And in those last moments - the whole labor process - you have to push yourself to get it all out; to make sure that every word is there that needs to be there. Finishing is sometimes the hardest part.
In real life, there is a baby at this point that takes supervision and gentle care. Yep. The edits are upon us. Some distance between writing the last line and going back over the draft is essential; time brings objectivity and clarity on what you really need and what you don't. I do not, however, recommend this time apart if you actually are dealing with an infant. :)
Anyway, all this is to remind myself and anyone out there trying to birth something new - it's difficult, it's tiring, and it's frustrating - but at the end, there's a brand new shiny creation. So keep at it. It's worth it.

In Time For the Oscars

I've been nominated! Ok, not for the Oscars, but I'm thrilled and honored just the same. One of my short stories, There Was Gethsemane, has been nominated to be included in the Infuze Magazine Best of 2006 anthology. This is the first time I've ever been included in something like this, and I'm excited about it. A reader's poll actually decides which stories will be published, so it's not a done deal...but I'm happy to be a contender. At the risk of self-promotion (the writer's dirty work), I'll link you guys to the story and to the poll. While you're there, I definitely recomend checking out Infuze's entire site. They do an incredible job of bringing art, media, and faith together in one spot. It is one of the best on-line magazines out there. So to Infuze - thank you!


To Read There Was Gethsemane:

http://www.infuzemag.com/creative/stories/archives/2006/03/there_was_geths.html


To Vote: http://www.infuzemag.com/staff/robin/2007/01/best_of_2006_sh.html

Late Night Television

Christian woke up at three in the morning on Sunday...he was happy and alert and ready to play. I sure wasn't. To keep myself awake while he rolled his cars around, I turned on the tv - it was already on Sprout, which is a PBS channel for kids. These two shows - Teletubbies and Boohbah - were playing over and over. Apparently, these are the late night shows for tots.

Frightening. How could these creatures not terrify children? They don't even speak - they just bob around squeaking. It's PBS After Dark and it's the stuff of toddler nightmares.

Or, um, maybe just mine.

Team Aniston

I listened to a podcast from the Kindlings Muse today that grabbed my attention. They were discussing the Middle East, trying to ascertain if peace in that region is really feasible. Appropriately, the issue of oil was brought to the forefront of the discussion.
It was generally agreed upon that oil is one of the largest reasons peace cannot be attained; the entire globe grasps for that commodity which the Middle East lands contain. It's a pretty well known fact that the earth will eventually run out of oil. Whether it's one hundred years or a thousand, it'll eventually happen. So we should, as responsible stewards of the earth, do our best to avoid wasting it.
As they talked, I realized that I don't really have that much knowledge about the oil issue -
And the next comment was about how our society highlights celebrities and sports more than it does global issues such as oil conservation. In fact, our entire pop culture serves as a distraction from the important problems.
I can only speak for myself, but I have to agree. For instance, I was pretty upset with Brad Pitt when he broke things off with Jennifer, and I followed that story and the follow-up faithfully - but can I carry on an intelligent conversation about the issues of this war we're in? Not if the conversation goes beyond the surface level of fact. And honestly, it's just easier to watch E! than it is to take in the news...because the news of the world - the news of our community - is pretty frightening at times.
I don't know. I guess I don't want to have my head stuck in the sand...even if it is more comfortable.

Accidental Show-Stopper

I know that it's way past the Christmas season, but I feel I'd be remiss if I didn't share this little story...
Our church kids put on a huge production every year at Christmas. Before they begin their play, we moms walk in with the two and under kids during the reading of the Christmas story.
This year, our instructions were to walk in and sit on the stage steps, as the 3 and 4 year olds were marching in to sing a few songs. We were to sit and watch their performance...so we were all a little nervous before walking into the sanctuary. Those of us who have particularly lively children (I am definitely in this group), were sure that our kids would scream/try to run to the drum sets/loudly speak baby-gibberish/cry/run onto the stage to play with the props/run to their grandparents in the front rows.
Turned out that we should have actually been concerned about parental behavior.
The mom that was walking in front of me had her son, who is maybe one and a half, in her arms. We were settling down on the steps and the next thing I know, her kid is tumbling through the air - down the steps and falling face first onto the floor.
Yeah. She dropped him.
He kind of just laid there - no crying - and he was just fine. She picked him up and he calmly sat back down on her lap -
and then the snickering began.
When it's inappropriate to laugh? That's when it's most impossible to keep it in. There I am, sitting in front of about 500 people, trying so so hard to not completely crack up (using Christian's head as a cover, of course)- and I was doing okay. Until the Christmas story suddenly paused and I looked up to see that all three of our pastors, including the one trying to narrate the story, had their heads bent down and their shoulders were shaking in silent laughter.
And it was back to staring at Christian's scalp...

Those Sweet Kisses

I was in the middle of finishing up some research on the internet this afternoon when Christian woke up from his nap. He was in a good mood, so I sat him in the middle of the living room with his trains and track, which fascinate the boy to no end. I jotted down my final notes in the office without hearing a peep from him, so I figured he was busy with Thomas and company.
And then I went to check on him.
He was sitting in the middle of the foyer on the hardwood with the happiest expression…and my plastic sugar bowl overturned on the floor. He was playing in the pile of sugar, licking his hands and going “mmmm”. He was completely encrusted in sugar and completely ecstatic over his new discovery - sugar is a great toy and tasty.
We headed to the bath.
Of course, this probably would have seemed a lot funnier to me if he hadn’t done the exact same thing yesterday with my French Vanilla Creamer.
I guess he wanted to enforce the lesson I should have learned yesterday - put the coffee accessories back in the cabinet post-coffee!

Sunday

And it’s just what a Sunday should be, clear and fresh, unclouded and easily paced. Sunday is technically the beginning of the new week, but I feel like it is an unnumbered day - hours when the world sort of exhales all the pressures of the week.
My goals for the day are somewhat domestic - we’re having a business reception here at home tomorrow night, so I have cleaning and baking to do. I’m not excited about the cleaning, but I actually enjoy the baking part. It’s a surprise, this interest in cooking. There’s something innately satisfying about taking separate, uncommon ingredients and putting them together to make some food that nourishes or just simply satisfies the taste buds. It’s also a good feeling to call my mom or my grandmother for a recipe - in some small way, making the banana pudding for my boys in the exact same way my Nanny makes it feels like passing down a part of my heritage. Sometimes, a recipe can be much more than just a recipe. It is a rush of security to make something the way my mother makes and it her mother makes it and so on…
Anyway, I am doing the stay-at-home-mom thing. My desk job sort of fazed out with a decrease of business. If someone had said to me when I was in high school that I’d be a stay at home mom of two by the age of twenty-three, I would have laughed. And laughed. And laughed some more. But this is my path, at least for now. Even though things aren’t as I would have predicted, I am still writing and now that I have an internet connection again, I’m able to keep up with the world. I’m not saying that I don’t get stir crazy sometimes - every now and then, as I fill up sippy cups, I’m tempted to hurl them through the kitchen window. I have to keep perspective - that, really, Sean and Christian are the greatest adventure I’ll ever have, no matter what else I manage to achieve in this lifetime. They are my greatest creative achievements. I guess I’m thinking about all of this because with every new year - heck, with every new month - it hits me that the years are quickly passing. And ever since I was a kid, I’ve had this terror of never doing anything that matters, never contributing to this world.
It’s sort of like plot - a story can be character driven or action driven…I want my life to be character driven. I want to choose my life - what I do, what I make of it, the people in it. If I need an official New Year’s Resolution, I guess that’s it - to consciously choose my path this year. I don’t want to be a floater. I want to offer something to the world - whatever else I come up with, I know that I can (hopefully) raise two boys into men that are compassionate and actively working to do something for their own generation.
And this is a good segue into mentioning a blog, written by someone I know is definitely doing a good job of the whole choosing your path thing…Betsy is a TV editor living in NYC, and you can read her witty observations of life here - http://www.humaninspired.blogspot.com/. Check it out - for the way she sees the world and for the way she lives her life, I whole-heartedly admire her, and I know you will too.
So I’m off to the grocery store…and after all of these meaningful things I’ve been pondering, we all know that I’m determined to get back and done with the baking in time to watch 24 and Brothers and Sisters! Such is the American psyche.

From Whence It Came...

The title of this blog comes from an essay by Frederick Buechner entitled “Faith and Fiction.” It’s whittled out of this paragraph, which easily captures the essence of why I write -
“Is that why we write, year after year, people like me - to keep our courage up? Are novels like mine a kind of whistling in the dark? I think so. To whistle in the dark is more than just to try to convince yourself that dark is not all there is. It’s also to remind yourself that dark is not all there is, or the end of all there is, because even in the dark there is hope. Even in the dark you have the power to whistle. And sometimes that seems more than just your own power because it’s powerful enough to hold the dark back a little. The tunes you whistle in the dark are the images you make of that hope, that power.”

Already Smarter Than His Parents

Neil and I are working hard to instill good manners in our boys. I've been drilling the whole "May I" phrase into Sean's vocabulary. So last night when Sean decided he wanted a cookie and pulled his daddy over to the kitchen, this polite conversation ensued:

Neil: Sean, say May -
Sean, dutifully repeating: May I hab-
Neil: A cookie-
Sean: Cookie, please
Neil: Try it all together now. May I have a cookie, please.
Sean: (Looking up wide eyed at his father, all earnest and nodding) Yes, you may.

And it was Oreos all around....

A Few Quotes From A Favorite

Some words from a woman I admire whole heartedly for her ability to write beautiful stories that echo gracefully of her faith - Madeleine L'Engle.


"Artistic temperament sometimes seems a battleground, a dark angel of destruction and a bright angel of creativity wrestling."


"In the evening of life we shall be judged on love, and not one of us is going to come off very well, and were it not for my absolute faith in the loving forgiveness of my Lord I could not call on him to come. "


"Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it."


"That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been all along."


"The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been."


"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable."

Fly Away

If only it was all real...I'd drive straight to Stars Hollow right now and have the Gilmores throw the movie night to end all movie nights, in a dedicated effort to go into a sugar induced coma and forget the past few days.
In the course of this week, all three of my kittens have died. Sad, sad, sad MommyCat.
And yesterday, I backed out of a parking space at daycare and hit another car.
Yeah. Not my finest hour here, folks.
Where's a Starlight festival and a crazy Kirk when you need them?

In My Head...

I dreamed on Saturday night that I was in Disney World with my entire family....today I'm wishing I were in Paris, walking around in this museum....

weekend magic

What I was doing (and thinking) all day Saturday.