Sunday, April 01, 2007

Trying to Keep Perspective

I'm desperately trying to get some writing done - but I'm at the point where I can't even finish a legitimate blog post. My children are my inspiration, my first priority, the greatest love-burst a girl could hope for...but sometimes I don't know how in tarnation I'm supposed to finish anything with their exuberant toddler-ness spontaneously combusting around me.
Usually I just close my notebook or the laptop and play for a while, knowing that they'll later fall asleep or get involved in a puzzle or each other enough to give me a solid twenty minutes or so of working done, but this week they've been clinging to me non-stop. Maybe it's spring fever...whatever the reason, my writing schedule has been officially disrupted. I'm just a better, more peaceful person when I have that little bit of me-in-imaginary-world time...so let's hope I get some quality work done soon. And then let's hope I somehow alleviate the mom-guilt that goes along with this kind of frustration. (Do you know the cycle? It goes a little like this - These are my children, growing so fast - I shouldn't waste a single moment wanting to be doing anything else...but there are only so many years left of my life and if I don't write what I'm writing, then it'll never get written and doesn't God ask that I do my best with any given talents...but being a mother is the highest calling...but characters a, g, and t are stuck midsentence in that confrontation and my brain is stuck mid-plot at all times...what's that, Christian? You need juice?)
(Exhale.)
Anybody else out there ever feel this way? (Please, please say yes. Please?)

6 comments:

Luisa Perkins said...

Christie, I only feel that way EVERY DAY. It is difficult to magnify our God-given talents AND be a fully present, joyful mother at the same time. It's even harder to do so without guilt and second-guessing (but ditch these; they're not from God).

A wise friend used to counsel me, "Remove the layer of self-criticism and just BE." I try my best to do this, often failing, always trying again.

Keep your chin up and keep writing in those 20-minute swatches of time. Before you know it, your book will be done! Hang in there with the knowledge that you are NOT alone!

ms bct said...

Darn, I wrote a post and lost internet connection, and now it's gone.

Darn, darn, darn!

What in tarnation??! (Love it!)

I'll rewrite it soon.

Babbi said...

Don't fret... I left my brain at home in the bed today :)

ms bct said...

Okay I'm back with my words of wisdom(?).

Your boys are so lucky and are going to be such great little adults because of your guidance.

Having said that, I think you need some Mommy time. So come to LA.

If that's not possible, maybe you should take an hour out of everyday and make it yours. Sit the boys in front of a movie, or puzzle, or favorite book or toy, armed with their juice cups, and let the guilt go. Focus some of your attention on making yourself happy as well. Maybe they've been more clingy lately because they sense you are fretting over something. Kids are very smart and can sense these things.

Spend the hour guilt-free. If the whole time you are worried that you should be spending more time with them, then you might as well be playing on the floor with them. Schedule your hour, so you don't let it slide by.

If you just try and focus your attention on the task at hand, (them when you're with them and writing when you're writing), maybe you'll find you can be more productive, (even though obviously you can't just completely take every ounce of your mind off of them, but just spend your one hour guilt-free!)

Maybe this is easier said than done, but I guess I'm saying is that you are at these kids beck and call 24 hours a day (as all mother's are). Giving yourself one hour where it's all about Christie shouldn't cause you a great deal of guilt. You are the best mother I know, and do a fantastic job raising these boys.

Love,
Someone who's obviously not a mother!

Gina said...

YES! Though I basically put my writing on hold for years while my kids were little. I really didn't have the energy for it with 4 kids. I picked it up fervently when my youngest was three and now I'm back to learning how to balance kids and writing, and not always doing a good job at it.

Welcome to Writer...Interrupted. You're going to fit right in!

Gina said...

Forgot to add...you need to add the Writer...Interrupted code before I can add you. :)