Mid-Morning Conversation

You need a little back story to understand this chat between Carrie and I...

A, Neil chopped down a tree in our back yard earlier this week. (with an ax and a garden hose. long story.)
B, I was contemplating a weekend trip to see my parents and
C, this week has also brought an exorbitant amount of ants into my house. I called our pest control place that does our bi-monthly spraying and told them I needed immediate assistance. He went underneath the house and reported that he had never seen so many ants in his entire working career. There were 10, maybe 15, colonies just scurrying around like they're paying the mortgage on the place.
D, we were a bit bored (the pre-lunch lull). Ok. We weren't all that bored. This is just normal behavior for the two of us. If we're nuts, at least we're the same kind of nuts. (But we prefer the politically correct term of 'quirky'.)

Here you go. A peek into our chat-life...


Carrie: another reason to retreat - invading ant army!

me: i'm sort of scared to leave the front, though...if i'm not here killing as I go, will they flourish and claim my house as their kingdom? Sort of like a conquistador?
Napoleon-ish?
Hitler-like?

Carrie: I don't know - I would say Hitler-like. Alexander-like.
Taking over the known world.

me: b/c at this point, i'm pretty sure they have it all mapped out. strategic in their little ant tents with little ant lanterns.

little ant spears and arrows

Carrie: little ant swords

me: little ant grenades
little ant cannonballs

Carrie: (I had that at the end of my sentence and took it off!)
little ant trojan horses

me: little ant flame throwers

Carrie: little ant shields!

me: little ant suits of armor

Carrie: little ant chainmail
(great minds...)

me: :)
little ant kamikaze planes

Carrie: I seriously think they are waging a war down there just like this, with little ant generals and all.
They use roly-polies as beasts of war.
they're pre-armored!

me: The war started because when the tree fell in the back yard, they took it as the Apocalypse -- they hid out in the nearest bomb shelter they could find and now they're having it out to take control of the post-apocalyptic world...
holy cow. little ant Hummers.

Carrie: olil!
made by, who else? Assembly lines of spiders.
They have the multiple arm thing going on.

me: ha! totally can see it...and they're biding their time, secretly waiting until the ants annihilate themselves so that they can take over...faulty wiring and such in the Hummers, you know?
And the ladybugs are like the elves, innocent and running away to find a peaceful paradise...using their soulful powers to save the grasshoppers and fireflies.

Carrie: oh, of course. Ladybugs abhor conflict.

me: of course. not like the regular beetles, who are eagerly drafted. can you imagine fighting a stinkbug?

Carrie: ew. no.
the beetle armies probably use smokebomb mushrooms as weapons.

me: makes perfect sense...
and they recruit mosquitoes to fly over the smoke and pour blood over the enemy, as to further confuse and disgust them.

Carrie: EW.

me: mosquitoes do it just for the fun of it. they're cold hearted, cruel sorts. they don't care which side wins, as long as they can distribute ugliness.

Carrie: I so believe that. That's one of Josh's questions to ask God. Why do they exist?

me: I think when Lucifer fell from Heaven and was spying on the newly created earth, he talked the mosquito into turning his abilities for evil...snakes are very convincing. they probably have a deal. snake won't eat mosquito if mosquito will annoy the heck out of humanity...originally, they were probably supposed to suck up juice from honeysuckles and gently distribute it among the squirrels.


And then we parted ways for lunch...and I spent the rest of the afternoon outside with Sean and Christian- pretending to have superpowers, looking for bugs in the grass, and playing a strange combination of football and tag.
It's official.
I've turned into an 8 year old boy.