Spring! Spring! Spring!

Spring is officially in gear!!! This time of the year is bursting with fresh scents, bright colors, and an overall feeling of hopeful happiness. I thought I'd celebrate by throwing a little e.e. cummings celebration, complete with decorations. e.e. is one of my favorite poets and God is my favorite visual artist...so it's a perfect way for me to start the season. From me to you - a blogged bouquet.

O sweet spontaneous

O sweet spontaneous
earth how often have
the doting
fingers of
prurient philosophies pinched
and poked
thee
has the naughty thumb
of science prodded
thy
beauty how
often have religions taken
thee upon their scraggy
knees squeezing and
buffeting thee that thou mightest conceive
gods
but
true
to the incomparable
couch of death thy
rhythmic
lover
thou answerest
them only with
spring



in time of daffodils
in time of daffodils(who know
the goal of living is to grow)
forgetting why,remember how
in time of lilacs who proclaim
the aim of waking is to dream,
remember so(forgetting seem)
in time of roses(who amaze
our now and here with paradise)
forgetting if,remember yes
in time of all sweet things beyond
whatever mind may comprehend,
remember seek(forgetting find)
and in a mystery to be
(when time from time shall set us free)
forgetting me,remember me

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

i am a little church
i am a little church(no great cathedral)
far from the splendor and squalor of hurrying cities
-i do not worry if briefer days grow briefest,
i am not sorry when sun and rain make april
my life is the life of the reaper and the sower;
my prayers are prayers of earth's own clumsily striving
(finding and losing and laughing and crying)children
whose any sadness or joy is my grief or my gladness
around me surges a miracle of unceasing
birth and glory and death and resurrection:
over my sleeping self float flaming symbols
of hope,and i wake to a perfect patience of mountains
i am a little church(far from the frantic
world with its rapture and anguish)at peace with nature
-i do not worry if longer nights grow longest;
i am not sorry when silence becomes singing
winter by spring,i lift my diminutive spire to
merciful Him Whose only now is forever:
standing erect in the deathless truth of His presence
(welcoming humbly His light and proudly His darkness)



i thank you God for most this amazing
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
wich is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

Can Anyone Hear Me?

Neil brought home Blood Diamond last night, the Academy Award nominated film starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Djimon Hounsou, and Jennifer Connelly. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, it's based around the civil war in Sierra Leone back in 1999. The main thread of the plot concerns the diamond trade, which fueled the conflict.
This movie is not for the faint of heart. It's a clear picture of what was happening - villages massacred, children turned into rebel soldiers, men killing men....for money. For power. For no real reason at all.
This blog is called Whistling in the Dark, because the world is a dark place. In the eternal battle of good and evil, it sometimes feels like the evil is winning on this earth - and I truly believe that we, especially those of us who call ourselves Christians - are called to do what we can to spread hope. It is our calling to love...to keep up the melody of redemption that Christ began.
But sometimes I feel like I can do so little to make a real difference. Here I am, cozy in my house with my boys, with plenty of food and no real fear of stepping out onto my street. And in other parts of the world - people are being killed for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. In Sudan, for example, Darfurians are being systematically slaughtered by the government. Since 2003, over 400, 000 innocent people have been killed.
The thing is, that conflict isn't even over. I'm sure that we all studied the Holocaust growing up...those pictures of piles of shoes and bodies are ingrained in my head. I'm wondering what my kids are going to study by the time they're in fifth or sixth grade...what horrendous pictures and heart breaking stories will be in the text books that are taking place right now.
I know that bad things are bound to happen while we're here on earth. That's the consequence of actions that started with Lucifer waging war in Heaven and continuing it with mankind - he wants to drive this wedge between man and God, and being far from the heart of God naturally results in the disaster that is cruelty and hate.
But it terrifies me - the thought that one human being can be so infiltrated with darkness that he will simply do away with another human being as if they are nothing more than trash to be swept out of the way.
I think it is our duty, wherever people are hurting - whether it's in our town or state or Sudan - to reach out however we can. Jesus said that we will be known as His disciples because of our love for each other. And I'm sure that we can all agree that the love of Christ is a love of action - He didn't just talk about mending the broken. He did it.
So how do I help? I'm not sure. I will, of course, keep on writing my little stories in hope that they'll communicate some message of hope and love to those who happen to read them (because hope is important for all of us, no matter where we live or the problems we face)...but as far as these larger disasters...genocide, the slave trade (which still exists), oppression...how do I make a difference? Can I make a difference? When I think about all of this, it's so overwhelming - and I can watch a movie like Blood Diamond, which makes my heart break - and try to forget about it...or I can figure out how to get involved. There's peace now in Sierra Leone...but not without the effort of people who cared.
I'd love to hear some ideas. I've come up with some links to sites concerning these issues, which I'll list below.
You know, God cared so much about our pain that He sent His Son to bear it for us - how can I, then, neglect to show compassion?

http://www.genocideintervention.net/index.php
http://www.ushmm.org/conscience/
http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/

Bill Cosby Was Right

This is the greatest thing I learned during our sick weeks:
As my throat was really sore from coughing, I ate more Jello in the past two weeks than I have in the last two years. It's cold, smooth - the perfect food for an irritated throat. I figured the boys' throats were feeling aggravated, as well, so I offered the Jello to them. Sean just ignored it, as he has been for the past three years (he tends to refuse any food that can be eaten with a spoon) and I discovered the best thing - Christian thinks Jello is extremely funny. That is, as long as it's safely in its cup or on the spoon...if he can see it from a distance, he laughs out loud and points at it.
However, if you make it wiggle and jiggle after him, he suddenly thinks Jello is extremely scary. By this I mean that he actually screams and runs, glancing over his shoulder like the strawberry gelatin is going to bloom up and eat HIM.
Um, under medication, a certain mommy may have found this a tad too funny. (And without medication, I may or may not be still eating Jello just for the purpose of freaking out my two year old. Don't tell anyone. :) )
J-E-L-L-O...it's alive!!!!

Thoughts To Chew On - oops, that should be Thoughts On Which To Chew, right?

I've been non-stop editing this short story for two days. Hard to get the revising to stop. The deadline is today and I still have a few hundred words to cut. Yikes. To make myself feel a little better about this, I've copied down a few quotes from some of the great writers - if something is making you crazy and obsessive, it is good to know that there are people out there who commiserate.

"A work of art is first of all work." Paul Engle
"I spent all morning putting in a comma and all afternoon taking it out." Oscar Wilde
"Real seriousness in regard to writing is one of the two absolute necessities. The other, unfortunately, is talent." Ernest Hemingway
"My family can always tell when I'm well into a novel because the meals get very crummy." Anne Tyler

Still Breathing

So I think I've survived the sickest week and a half to afflict this house...well...ever. We're all still coughing and whiny and all that - but we've made it through the worst of the illness.
A longer post is in the works - for now, I just wanted to say thanks for the get well wishes. I hope that everyone has enjoyed the Daylights Savings Time gift of a lighter evening...and the fact that my Tarheels won the ACC championship! :) (Sorry, I wasn't sick enough to obliterate the annoying fan cells...)

Ick.

You know what happens to a person who is taking care of sick people?
Yup. She gets sick.
I don't feel quite as bad as I did yesterday afternoon, but I've got that whole congestion thing in my throat now - so that when I cough, it really and truly feels like I am going to choke and pass out onto the floor.
Which would be bad, for many reasons - the foremost being the children I still have to feed and clean up and stuff.
Too bad there isn't a stay at home mom boss-man to call and demand a sick day. I really want to snuggle into my bed (alone!) with the ipod and the Gail Godwin novel I'm trying to finish. AKA, I'd like to ignore the world until I feel like a functioning human again.
Too bad my boss-men are two and three year olds only concerned with Mommy playing hide-and-seek and Mommy distributing snacks in a timely manner, etc. etc. etc.
Maybe I can send myself into a time-out...

Duke Wants to Win a Game? Not in Our House!

No. 8 North Carolina Upends No. 14 Duke, 86-72

The game was a BLAST. Neil still felt a little icky, and Sean was sick at home with his grandparents, but none of that could stop us from showing up at the Dean Dome and screaming through the entire beat down of the Duke Blue Devils.

It was a great night to be there - we witnessed the annihilation of our hottest rivalry, the women's team won their championship and marched out to a standing ovation, it was Senior night, and the crowd was continuously fired up.

Except, of course, for the gentleman who tapped Neil on the shoulder after a particularly amazing dunk and asked him if he would please mind sitting down. Neil replied that, actually - he would mind. :) (He did make an effort, though, to keep the standing to a minimum after that. My thought - if you want to sit down and relax through the game...well. Stay home and watch it on the big screen, fella. )


The game ended with some drama - Tyler Hansbrough's bloody face and a stadium full of angry fans...in that interim when the refs were reviewing the play and trying to figure out how to call the blatant attack on Tyler, the fans were all on their feat - frankly, the refs would have been endangering their own lives if they hadn't ejected Henderson.

Check out http://tarheelblue.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/recaps/030407aaa.html for a full recap.

We're now the number one seed...and we're headed to a 2007 championship!

Go Heels!

Calling Mike Rowe

I'm playing nursemaid. Neil and Sean have both contracted some combination of fever/aches/upset stomach...what is better, on a Saturday night, then scrubbing up macaroni-laced vomit?
You know that show Dirty Jobs on the Discovery channel? They should send Mike Rowe into the life of a mom with toddlers still unable to take care of most of their personal business by themselves - icky on a regular basis, but during a stomach virus?
DEFINITELY Dirty Jobs material.

I Heart Dr. Suess

Happy Birthday to The Cat in the Hat!


Today is the fiftieth anniversary of a classic - and it all started with Dr. Seuss taking his list of words appropriate for beginning readers and creating a book that kids want to read.

Carrie started Sean's collection of Dr. Seuss books when he was born - and both he and Christian love to hear each one that's been added on holidays and birthdays. What's not to love? Dr. Seuss books ooze with color, crazy characters, silly rhymes. In Seussville, imagination is the law of the land. And who doesn't like to yell out - "I DO like green eggs and ham, Sam I am!"

There are several ways you can celebrate the birth of the Cat - take part in the National Education Association's (www.nea.org) Read Across America Day! Read The Cat in the Hat aloud (to yourself, to your goldfish, to your kids or your neighbor's kids) and be a part of the nationwide read-along. Check out www.seussville.com and send the Cat in the Hat a birthday card - for each card received, Random House is donating a book to the First Book organization (www.firstbook.org).

Every kid deserves to know the thrill of being transported to a new world through the written word...

In the words of the Doctor himself, from the book I Can Read With My Eyes Shut -


Young cat! If you keep your eyes open enough, oh! the stuff you will learn! the most wonderful stuff!

and

The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.

The Original Romantic

Isn't it true that the weather and nature can truly affect your mood? All of the studies showing that depression can be related, in some areas, to a lack of sunshine fascinate me...and I know that, for me, a warm breeze and the scent of fresh foliage can do a lot to improve my outlook on life. It's particularly interesting when you consider the fact that all of that outdoorsy stuff is the detailed handiwork of God meant to showcase His presence and personality. Our physical health can depend on being inundated in His physical works...just like our spiritual and mental health can depend on being inundated in His words and in His spirit.


Today God surprised me with the simplest hint of spring.The morning was a long one - I dragged the kids on a shopping trip that ended, after several stores, at Food Lion for grocery buying. They were as good as could be expected, but we were all cranky and exhausted by the time we drove into our driveway. I've had a lot weighing on my mind in general, lately, so the triple-threat of irritation wasn't the best turn of events. But when I stepped out of the SUV to start the process of hauling in toilet paper, food, cleaning supplies, small humans, and the inevitable fast-food paraphernalia, the first thing I noticed was tiny purple wildflowers spread out all over my front yard. In the long neglected flower beds, by the mail box, lining the driveway - little spots of lavender everywhere.I immediately felt rejuvenated and all of the crankiness slipped away...I guess flowers can just do that for a girl, no matter how they show up...but especially when they're hand delivered by God.

Crossing New Bridges

One of the most entertaining parts of being a mom is watching your kids develop new skills - those precious first wobbly steps, the surprise of peek-a-boo, the first time you hear a "mama" or even the first "For my birthday, I want a red Power Ranger helmet." (That one was courtesy of Sean a couple of nights ago.)
We have had another first.
This morning, Christian achieved a stage that most kids go through, one time or another.
That's right, folks. He stuck something up into his nose.
It was shortly after breakfast, for which he had a bowl of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Cereal - a fruity, pebble shaped (yummy) new cereal.
I was walking through the living room where he had been playing with his drum and a harmonica. He had stopped playing, though, and was lying in the floor crying. I went to pick him up and noticed that he had his finger stuck up his nose. Not a common posture for him. He didn't stop crying when I picked him up, which was kind of odd, too - I moved his finger and there it was. A bright yellow piece of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse cereal lodged in his left nostril.
He was not happy about it. It took a good ten minutes for me to restrain him enough to actually remove it. Probably most of the effort was going into my own attempt to act horrified about it - it's really not a safe habit, but it was soooo hard not to laugh at his nostril-stuffed expression. It was one of those the fun thing betrayed me! looks...
This, of course, made me remember the time that my youngest sister, Hannah, kept pulling at her nose when she was maybe two or three. Every now and then, we'd catch a glimpse of something shiny in there, but Mom and Dad couldn't manage to get a hold of whatever it was. Finally, they took her to the doctor and he pulled out a huge silver button. No idea how that huge thing got wedged in her baby nose.
I can't actually remember ever sticking anything into my own nose...I wonder what the appeal is...of course, I have my own stupid human trick that I discovered on the back seat of the bus in second grade during a game of mercy - I can bend one of my fingers all the way backwards until it touches the back of my hand.
Your turn. 'Fess up. What's your stupid human/strange childhood habit?

The Ten Year Old Girl Inside of Me is Squealing

http://icv2.com/articles/news/10122.html

Nancy Drew's making her comeback! What's not to love? She's tough, she's smart, she drives a kicky sports car, and she has a cute boyfriend...when I was ten years old I wanted to BE Nancy Drew. Heck, I still want to be Nancy Drew.

(you try saying Nancy without the Drew. It's just wrong.)

The Perks of Writer's Block

I'm experiencing mega-frustration with my current work-in-progress, and so I'm suffering irritation and working it out through procrastination. Not the ideal way to make a breakthrough, but for now it's all I can seem to do.
The silver lining? Once I've managed to clean the entire house and actually annoy my children with my 'hey, let's play this/color this/paint this/watch this'...I'm left looking for creative ways to expel some creative energy.
This afternoon, this resulted in a fantastic idea - Lite-Brite! I still have the one left over from childhood days, but I haven't actually played with it in about ten years...so out it came. I made a masterpiece lighthouse out of pegs and a light bulb - and let me tell you, it is still fun. It's currently sitting on my kitchen counter. I'm thinking I should just leave it there and call it art.
For those of you who don't have a Lite-Brite just sitting in a random closet, you can click on the following link and procrastinate to circa-1970 technology!
http://www.sfpg.com/animation/liteBrite.html
And now...I wonder if I can manage to find my Easy-Bake Oven...

Catching Up...

Thirteen Reasons I Love Wilmington, NC 1. Memories - high school was a great time for me, and all four years were spent running in and about Wilmington. 2. J. Michael's Philly Deli - the most marvelous cheese steak sandwich on the face of the earth. That sandwich, pickle, and sweet tea - I want it right this second. 3. The view at night when driving over the Cape Fear Memorial Bridge - the riverfront is always lit up and the river sparkles with the reflection. 4. Walking by the river - it's pretty, the shopping is fun, and the food is good. It's the ultimate hangout area. 5. Playing checkers in the window of Port City Java, sipping a mocha shake and people watching. 6. The historical houses - a candle-lit tour of the historical district is still on my to-do list, as well as a ride through the area in a horse drawn buggy. Gorgeous. 7. Easy beach trips - picnics, walks, swimming... 8. Day trip options - there's the aquarium, the Battleship, museums - a great place to drag a kid around. 9. It's so easy to convince yourself that you're on vacation - throw on flip-flops, mingle with tourists, stay out late! 10. Water, water, water - I love seeing it and it's everywhere... 11. The Salt Shaker bookstore/coffee shop...it's out of the way, super peaceful, and the ideal place to coop up with a book when you don't want to be bothered. 12. The Thalian Theatre - it's a historical theatre where productions are staged and artsy films are shown. A movie seems much more important when you're sitting in a fancy balcony. 13. The opportunities to catch various Hollywood film crews in action - and the chance to star in films yourself! (Okay, so I didn't exactly have a main role...but Carrie, Betsy, and I totally rocked our 'extra' parts in that movie....I definitely consider us movie stahhhhs....) I miss thee, O Wilmington, Port City of my dreams!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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5 Minutes For Mom

They Make a Mama Proud...

Sean loves to pose for a camera...



Christian and our favorite playdate, Xander...who needs toys

when you have the toybox?

Thursday Thirteen - What I love about Snow

Thirteen Things I Love About Snow...because we got an unexpected downfall this morning! 1. The way it makes everything quiet and white - there's a dream-like quality to a day with snow falling from the sky. 2. The crunch it makes under my feet. 3. The sound of neighborhood kids out playing and squealing - because they're home from school in the middle of the week and there are snowballs to throw! 4. I absolutely adore the frenzy it causes - here in the south, half an inch of snow and all of the schools are closed, there's not a loaf of bread left in the grocery store, and regularly scheduled television is preempted by a 5 hour long winter weather watch hosted by the local news station. 5. The way my boys look bundled up in layers and coats and hats and gloves...and the way their noses and cheeks turn pink. 6. I love that while we were out playing this morning, Sean said - "It's like Bob the Builder Christmas!" 7. It's such a pretty frosting on the trees and the porch and the street - it feels like a holiday with everything decorated by nature. 8. It's so fun to teach toddlers how to make snowballs - and especially how to throw them. The boys thought it was hilarious. 9. It's also fun that children can be so different - Sean was all about his "snow hat and snow gloves" and Christian was much more about - hey, lets throw all this stuff off and feel how good this stuff is on bare skin! 10. Sticking out my tongue and letting the snow fall onto it - and watching the boys scrunch up their faces and do the same, not quite sure what to do about the flakes flying at them. 11. Discovering what the snow-activities of choice are - Sean liked drawing pictures on the ground and Christian seemed to enjoy the 'take your gloves off and run from mom' game. 12. The simple joy of walking through a flurry, snow collecting on my jacket and hat, and watching the boys watch the flakes like it was the most amazing thing EVER. 13. The cozy feeling when I come inside - the warmth and the coffee, peeling off layers and being lazy - because it's a snow day and in North Carolina, snow days are all about rushing out to play and then cuddling up on the couch. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. http://beckydworld.blogspot.com/ 2. http://interstellaradventure.wordpress.com/ 3. http://www.wrongblog.com/

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Recap of My Brain

It's Tuesday at exactly 7:57 pm, and I am unreasonably tired. I usually don't feel like this until, oh - at least 8:14.
So here's what I'm doing.
On the ipod, I'm alternating between Switchfoot, Natasha Bedingfield, and Avalon's album of hymn remixes...and I'm listening obsessively to the podcasts from the Kindlings Muse, hosted by Dick Staub...
In addition to the usual Gilmore Girls and 24, I'm tivo-ing Gray's Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters, Veronica Mars, and Heroes. One day I will catch up.
I just finished reading A Song I Knew By Heart, by Bret Lott. His writing is breathtaking - it is literally so beautiful that it makes me cry. So I'm now reading Jewel, another of his novels. I'm working my way through Isaiah, as well, which is a book so threaded with rich language that it takes a while to soak it in. Nothing will ever be so amazing as the language of the King James Bible.
I'm working on several different writing projects - my novel, as always, and a short story for Faith in Fiction and Relief Journal's Daily Sacrament contest...both groups are in my links and worth taking a look at if you have interest in faith and the arts.
What else? Chocolate cake baking, finger painting, tower building, and in about two seconds - bath giving.
Goodnight, Moon.
(Yeah. Right. Like that's actually happening in the next four hours. I guess it's the hope that counts.)

Breath of Fresh Internet

I discovered some new websites that have already put some new spunk into my at home with the boys existence...they're so fun and informative that I have to share them. People, this first one is to me what Noggin is to Sean. The magazine and community for the new urban parent - www.babble.com. This has tons of links to entertaining blogs, cute baby stores, and good info, too - plus columns on everything from traveling with babies on band tours to breast feeding. This site makes me feel almost normal.
The second is www.kidscraftweekly.com... a crafty mom posts fun and, most importantly, easy crafts for young kids. These actually include pictures of her own kids making the project, which makes it much easier to accomplish. I'm telling you - I've made a list of craft supplies and am now salivating for pipe cleaners, glitter, and cardboard tubes.
And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go craft it up with toddlers.

Worth Much More than One Thousand

So Carrie got married on December 16th.


The entire weekend was a blast- we girls went out to dinner on the Thursday before (that's the picture above - she's in the center, as you can tell from the bride sash, and I'm next to her on the right) and we were all treated to an amazing dinner post-rehearsal on Friday night. As far as wedding weekends go - it was pretty perfect. Especially since the weekend coincided with my anniversary, which meant Neil and I had a kid-free stay in a pretty hotel in Wilmington to celebrate having made it through year number four. This year will be five, people - half a decade. Wow.
Anyway, Carrie looked like a princess and the wedding was gorgeous - all candle-lit and classically romantic. I was looking through some of the pictures she emailed me this week and decided to show off my best friend...here they are- the newly hitched Carrie and Josh.

Why Toddlers Cooperating Can Be Dangerous

Another kitchen disaster.
I was in our office/guest room/biggest tv in the world room this morning, working on the web-site for our business and chatting a bit with Carrie. This was post-breakfast, early morning playtime for the boys, which is usually a peaceful time. At last check, they were content with their puzzles in the middle of the living room and I had heard no alarming sounds...
And then.
Christian ran into the room with wide eyes and puckered lips - holding his hands out in front of him. Hands that were totally purple.
Two words. Grape. Jelly.
I washed his hands and sat him in his room while the bath water was running, as he was somehow sticky all over.
And I followed the trail of purple hand prints on the wall all the way to the small foyer, where I followed the purple foot prints to the kitchen where I discovered the squeezable grape jelly opened and spilled in a giant puddle of ooze.
Sean was still innocently playing in the living room, but I can only assume that he was employing his favorite new hobby - taking things out of the fridge - and had given the jelly to his brother. Who actually got the entire cap off of the bottle? No idea.
Apparently everything - and I mean everything - in my house needs child proof caps.
I mopped and re-mopped and mopped again. And still we have the stickiness.
What do I do? Keep my eyes on them EVERY second of EVERY hour of EVERY day?
Install booby traps in front of key areas?
Hire SuperNanny?
Demolish the house when they turn five and start all over?
Toddlerhood. The best reality show that isn't on television.

To Defer the Implosion of the Earth

So as Sean has grown and acquired the ability to speak, he has developed some very particular habits. He passionately demands that these demands are met - and if not, he acts like I've grown five heads and told him that Blue is out of clues. I'm not sure how normal it is for a three year old to be so picky about things - but his father is sort of the same way, so maybe it's hereditary. I thought I'd let you into the world of keeping Sean un-hysterical...

When giving him anything, be it goldfish or pizza or whatever - he wants five. Five. No more, no less.

If he needs a paper towel, it must be torn cleanly from the roll. If it rips at all, it's declared "broken" and immediately is discarded by his disgusted self into the trash can.

When getting out of the bath, he must stand on the toilet as he is dried off. And as we leave the bathroom, with the towel around him and in my arms, we have to stop and look in the mirror.

After teeth are brushed, they MUST be called 'shiny'.

Ketchup must be served with any and all meat. It's more important than the actual meat itself.

If given a sippy cup, it must be placed on the dresser next to his castle. Otherwise, it will not be consumed.

The face will be kept clean at all times. If he thinks I have food on my face, he will point it out and tell me to get a napkin.

The world will NOT keep spinning if he gets any plate but the yellow one. With the proper spoon and fork, of course.

All toast and sandwiches are required to be made into "Triangles, please Mommy!!! Please!!! Triangles!!!!"

These are the biggest issues, but there are many things that he wants done in a certain way throughout the day. And certain things he won't have anything to do with - moving rides, the mechanical Chuckee Cheese creatures, puppets, people holding him in the air like an airplane - I'm wondering if he'll grow out of this or if he's just a definite type A personality. We'll see. Until then I'll just keep trying to help him keep his world in order.

Thursday Thirteen - random facts about me

Thirteen Things about Christie 1. One of my biggest flaws is procrastination. 2. I love chocolate covered strawberries. So. Much. 3. The last song I downloaded was Rainy Days and Mondays by the Carpenters. 4. The last show I watched on TV was Veronica Mars on Tuesday night. 5. I'm currently (re)reading an anthology of short stories from Iowa's Writing Workshop. 6. I wish it would snow a couple of feet, so that my kids could experience snowmen. 7. Since becoming a work-at-home mom, I have definitely solidified my addiction to a daily cup of coffee. 8. I have also solidified my addiction to using the Spray Anywhere by Clorox. It makes me feel like germs have limited chance of survival in my house. 9. I don't mind washing/drying clothes...or folding...it's getting them actually put away that drives me nuts. 10. I have terrible luck with pets - every pet I have ever had has tragically died...so there's a stray cat that has been living on my porch for months and months. I feed her, pet her, but I refuse to get attached. I call her Cat. I figure there are worse things than being neutrally named after the kitty in an Audrey Hepburn movie. Such as death, which I just feel sure would follow any sign on my part that I like her. So Cat she is and Cat she will remain. Besides, I once tried to tell Sean that her name was Scarlett O'Hara (because of her green eyes), he angrily corrected me. "No! That's Cat!" Why argue? 11. I like playing with Christian's trains probably just as much as he does. 12. I am a loyal Carolina Tarheel gal. We have an awesome team this year and I'm saying it right here, right now - we're headed for the championship. 13. I took piano lessons for years and years...I'm not that great, but I hope to teach the boys to play. Until next Thursday... Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. http://joelysueburkhart.com/blog/ 2. http://www.patentprincess.com/ 3. http://almostsomewhatpositive.blogspot.com/ 4. http://www.tiggerprr.com/ 5. http://jadesymb.livejournal.com/ 6. http://its-a-raggedy-life.blogspot.com/ 7. http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-a4SO9mwwdaU7Mx0y0sc41xICV60MtPeDvA--?cq=1

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

Simile and Metaphor

A new story began twirling in my head yesterday...so my mind is in the land of Other. I jotted a few paragraphs down last night, but nothing substantial. I'm a bit frustrated, trying to figure out where these characters want to go, what they want to say. I'm sure we've all heard that the creative process is like giving birth; it is.
Typically, the process - at least for me - starts months before the story actually begins to take shape on paper. A certain quality of character might slide through my thoughts; a name, a career, a dream. I'll hear a song that sticks with me, a certain place may occupy a few minutes of my thinking time. A vague idea of plot may begin to simmer...but it takes a while for all of it to germinate, to come together in an "Oh! That's the story!" kind of revelation. It reminds me of those months before the first ultra sound....you know something's in there, but it doesn't hit you that the something is an actual baby until they rub you with cold gel and show you the inside of your uterus.
So now is the growing stage - the second trimester, if you'll stick with me on the comparison. The story fleshes out; you learn more about the characters, about their voices. You find out if it's a boy or a girl, so to speak. You have to keep motivation up; take those vitamins and keep the pen moving.
Once you hit that third trimester, you're ready to see that baby; you're ready to have the last line written. It still takes patience - patience to wait and make sure that you've made it all the best it can be. (You've got to get the nursery decorated and the pediatrician listed on the hospital forms.) And in those last moments - the whole labor process - you have to push yourself to get it all out; to make sure that every word is there that needs to be there. Finishing is sometimes the hardest part.
In real life, there is a baby at this point that takes supervision and gentle care. Yep. The edits are upon us. Some distance between writing the last line and going back over the draft is essential; time brings objectivity and clarity on what you really need and what you don't. I do not, however, recommend this time apart if you actually are dealing with an infant. :)
Anyway, all this is to remind myself and anyone out there trying to birth something new - it's difficult, it's tiring, and it's frustrating - but at the end, there's a brand new shiny creation. So keep at it. It's worth it.

In Time For the Oscars

I've been nominated! Ok, not for the Oscars, but I'm thrilled and honored just the same. One of my short stories, There Was Gethsemane, has been nominated to be included in the Infuze Magazine Best of 2006 anthology. This is the first time I've ever been included in something like this, and I'm excited about it. A reader's poll actually decides which stories will be published, so it's not a done deal...but I'm happy to be a contender. At the risk of self-promotion (the writer's dirty work), I'll link you guys to the story and to the poll. While you're there, I definitely recomend checking out Infuze's entire site. They do an incredible job of bringing art, media, and faith together in one spot. It is one of the best on-line magazines out there. So to Infuze - thank you!


To Read There Was Gethsemane:

http://www.infuzemag.com/creative/stories/archives/2006/03/there_was_geths.html


To Vote: http://www.infuzemag.com/staff/robin/2007/01/best_of_2006_sh.html

Late Night Television

Christian woke up at three in the morning on Sunday...he was happy and alert and ready to play. I sure wasn't. To keep myself awake while he rolled his cars around, I turned on the tv - it was already on Sprout, which is a PBS channel for kids. These two shows - Teletubbies and Boohbah - were playing over and over. Apparently, these are the late night shows for tots.

Frightening. How could these creatures not terrify children? They don't even speak - they just bob around squeaking. It's PBS After Dark and it's the stuff of toddler nightmares.

Or, um, maybe just mine.

Team Aniston

I listened to a podcast from the Kindlings Muse today that grabbed my attention. They were discussing the Middle East, trying to ascertain if peace in that region is really feasible. Appropriately, the issue of oil was brought to the forefront of the discussion.
It was generally agreed upon that oil is one of the largest reasons peace cannot be attained; the entire globe grasps for that commodity which the Middle East lands contain. It's a pretty well known fact that the earth will eventually run out of oil. Whether it's one hundred years or a thousand, it'll eventually happen. So we should, as responsible stewards of the earth, do our best to avoid wasting it.
As they talked, I realized that I don't really have that much knowledge about the oil issue -
And the next comment was about how our society highlights celebrities and sports more than it does global issues such as oil conservation. In fact, our entire pop culture serves as a distraction from the important problems.
I can only speak for myself, but I have to agree. For instance, I was pretty upset with Brad Pitt when he broke things off with Jennifer, and I followed that story and the follow-up faithfully - but can I carry on an intelligent conversation about the issues of this war we're in? Not if the conversation goes beyond the surface level of fact. And honestly, it's just easier to watch E! than it is to take in the news...because the news of the world - the news of our community - is pretty frightening at times.
I don't know. I guess I don't want to have my head stuck in the sand...even if it is more comfortable.

Accidental Show-Stopper

I know that it's way past the Christmas season, but I feel I'd be remiss if I didn't share this little story...
Our church kids put on a huge production every year at Christmas. Before they begin their play, we moms walk in with the two and under kids during the reading of the Christmas story.
This year, our instructions were to walk in and sit on the stage steps, as the 3 and 4 year olds were marching in to sing a few songs. We were to sit and watch their performance...so we were all a little nervous before walking into the sanctuary. Those of us who have particularly lively children (I am definitely in this group), were sure that our kids would scream/try to run to the drum sets/loudly speak baby-gibberish/cry/run onto the stage to play with the props/run to their grandparents in the front rows.
Turned out that we should have actually been concerned about parental behavior.
The mom that was walking in front of me had her son, who is maybe one and a half, in her arms. We were settling down on the steps and the next thing I know, her kid is tumbling through the air - down the steps and falling face first onto the floor.
Yeah. She dropped him.
He kind of just laid there - no crying - and he was just fine. She picked him up and he calmly sat back down on her lap -
and then the snickering began.
When it's inappropriate to laugh? That's when it's most impossible to keep it in. There I am, sitting in front of about 500 people, trying so so hard to not completely crack up (using Christian's head as a cover, of course)- and I was doing okay. Until the Christmas story suddenly paused and I looked up to see that all three of our pastors, including the one trying to narrate the story, had their heads bent down and their shoulders were shaking in silent laughter.
And it was back to staring at Christian's scalp...

Those Sweet Kisses

I was in the middle of finishing up some research on the internet this afternoon when Christian woke up from his nap. He was in a good mood, so I sat him in the middle of the living room with his trains and track, which fascinate the boy to no end. I jotted down my final notes in the office without hearing a peep from him, so I figured he was busy with Thomas and company.
And then I went to check on him.
He was sitting in the middle of the foyer on the hardwood with the happiest expression…and my plastic sugar bowl overturned on the floor. He was playing in the pile of sugar, licking his hands and going “mmmm”. He was completely encrusted in sugar and completely ecstatic over his new discovery - sugar is a great toy and tasty.
We headed to the bath.
Of course, this probably would have seemed a lot funnier to me if he hadn’t done the exact same thing yesterday with my French Vanilla Creamer.
I guess he wanted to enforce the lesson I should have learned yesterday - put the coffee accessories back in the cabinet post-coffee!

Sunday

And it’s just what a Sunday should be, clear and fresh, unclouded and easily paced. Sunday is technically the beginning of the new week, but I feel like it is an unnumbered day - hours when the world sort of exhales all the pressures of the week.
My goals for the day are somewhat domestic - we’re having a business reception here at home tomorrow night, so I have cleaning and baking to do. I’m not excited about the cleaning, but I actually enjoy the baking part. It’s a surprise, this interest in cooking. There’s something innately satisfying about taking separate, uncommon ingredients and putting them together to make some food that nourishes or just simply satisfies the taste buds. It’s also a good feeling to call my mom or my grandmother for a recipe - in some small way, making the banana pudding for my boys in the exact same way my Nanny makes it feels like passing down a part of my heritage. Sometimes, a recipe can be much more than just a recipe. It is a rush of security to make something the way my mother makes and it her mother makes it and so on…
Anyway, I am doing the stay-at-home-mom thing. My desk job sort of fazed out with a decrease of business. If someone had said to me when I was in high school that I’d be a stay at home mom of two by the age of twenty-three, I would have laughed. And laughed. And laughed some more. But this is my path, at least for now. Even though things aren’t as I would have predicted, I am still writing and now that I have an internet connection again, I’m able to keep up with the world. I’m not saying that I don’t get stir crazy sometimes - every now and then, as I fill up sippy cups, I’m tempted to hurl them through the kitchen window. I have to keep perspective - that, really, Sean and Christian are the greatest adventure I’ll ever have, no matter what else I manage to achieve in this lifetime. They are my greatest creative achievements. I guess I’m thinking about all of this because with every new year - heck, with every new month - it hits me that the years are quickly passing. And ever since I was a kid, I’ve had this terror of never doing anything that matters, never contributing to this world.
It’s sort of like plot - a story can be character driven or action driven…I want my life to be character driven. I want to choose my life - what I do, what I make of it, the people in it. If I need an official New Year’s Resolution, I guess that’s it - to consciously choose my path this year. I don’t want to be a floater. I want to offer something to the world - whatever else I come up with, I know that I can (hopefully) raise two boys into men that are compassionate and actively working to do something for their own generation.
And this is a good segue into mentioning a blog, written by someone I know is definitely doing a good job of the whole choosing your path thing…Betsy is a TV editor living in NYC, and you can read her witty observations of life here - http://www.humaninspired.blogspot.com/. Check it out - for the way she sees the world and for the way she lives her life, I whole-heartedly admire her, and I know you will too.
So I’m off to the grocery store…and after all of these meaningful things I’ve been pondering, we all know that I’m determined to get back and done with the baking in time to watch 24 and Brothers and Sisters! Such is the American psyche.

From Whence It Came...

The title of this blog comes from an essay by Frederick Buechner entitled “Faith and Fiction.” It’s whittled out of this paragraph, which easily captures the essence of why I write -
“Is that why we write, year after year, people like me - to keep our courage up? Are novels like mine a kind of whistling in the dark? I think so. To whistle in the dark is more than just to try to convince yourself that dark is not all there is. It’s also to remind yourself that dark is not all there is, or the end of all there is, because even in the dark there is hope. Even in the dark you have the power to whistle. And sometimes that seems more than just your own power because it’s powerful enough to hold the dark back a little. The tunes you whistle in the dark are the images you make of that hope, that power.”

Already Smarter Than His Parents

Neil and I are working hard to instill good manners in our boys. I've been drilling the whole "May I" phrase into Sean's vocabulary. So last night when Sean decided he wanted a cookie and pulled his daddy over to the kitchen, this polite conversation ensued:

Neil: Sean, say May -
Sean, dutifully repeating: May I hab-
Neil: A cookie-
Sean: Cookie, please
Neil: Try it all together now. May I have a cookie, please.
Sean: (Looking up wide eyed at his father, all earnest and nodding) Yes, you may.

And it was Oreos all around....

A Few Quotes From A Favorite

Some words from a woman I admire whole heartedly for her ability to write beautiful stories that echo gracefully of her faith - Madeleine L'Engle.


"Artistic temperament sometimes seems a battleground, a dark angel of destruction and a bright angel of creativity wrestling."


"In the evening of life we shall be judged on love, and not one of us is going to come off very well, and were it not for my absolute faith in the loving forgiveness of my Lord I could not call on him to come. "


"Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it."


"That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been all along."


"The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been."


"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable."

Fly Away

If only it was all real...I'd drive straight to Stars Hollow right now and have the Gilmores throw the movie night to end all movie nights, in a dedicated effort to go into a sugar induced coma and forget the past few days.
In the course of this week, all three of my kittens have died. Sad, sad, sad MommyCat.
And yesterday, I backed out of a parking space at daycare and hit another car.
Yeah. Not my finest hour here, folks.
Where's a Starlight festival and a crazy Kirk when you need them?

In My Head...

I dreamed on Saturday night that I was in Disney World with my entire family....today I'm wishing I were in Paris, walking around in this museum....

weekend magic

What I was doing (and thinking) all day Saturday.

Back To Reality

Oh, the pain of keeping schedules, making beds, obligations to act responsibly and productively!
Oh, the shameful waste of sunshine to be sitting here in an office instead of on warm sand or a quiet deck!
Oh, the sorrow of leaving Christian and Sean in daycare instead of going on adventures down the beach and to the aquarium and watching boats and feeding birds and eating birthday cake and falling asleep cuddling, breathing in their sunscreen-scented skin!
Oh, the agony of wearing shoes and full outfits of clothing!


Oh, how I truly miss thee, Vacation!


Yep. I enjoyed my weekend at the beach.

Happy Weekend!

After work, I will be heading down to Atlantic Beach with Neil and the boys. This is our first family vacation since 2004, so I'm super excited. I'm looking forward to sand castles, spectacular sunsets, long walks, and the sound of waves crashing. I love the ocean in all its moods and majesty - to me, it fully reflects the might and beauty of God.
So I won't blog again until Wednesday...but I'm pretty sure I'll have fun stories to share with you. After all, hanging out on the beach with a one year old and a three year old is guaranteed to bring some sort of adventure...
Hope your weekend is relaxing! Later, ya'll.

Ode to Coffee (or love song for a bean)

You are the reason I can get up every morning. I hear babies stirring and though I want to bury my head under the covers and go back to sleep, I remember you will be there and so I get up, care for my children, and reward myself with time for you.


You, o precious java, have been there for me countless times through the years - by my side as I've crammed for exams, a muse when creativity fails, a sweet member in my circle of friends. Everywhere I've gone, there you have gone with me. On walks by the river, on roadtrips through mountains, in my office, in malls, in homes - your presence I can depend on. Thanks for the memories, enchanting joe( and for all the pet names you put up with).


You let me dress you up however I please - in the curve of a purple mug, in a tiny china cup, and you don't even complain when all I can offer you is plain styrofoam. And you never, ever care about how I look.


Your love is steady, and yet never boring or stale. You romance me with intriguing changes - a shot of mocha here, a dollop of caramel there...you allure me with your complex personality of bitter and sweet.


There are those who say you are too much for me - that you're wrong for me in so many ways. They blame you for stunting my growth as a person, they say you'll discolor my teeth and speed up my heart with your wild dose of caffeine. But, baby, true love is supposed to make your heart race. Those naysayers are simply jealous of the purity of our feelings and I refuse to give in to their pedantic propaganda.


I accept you with your flaws, as you accept mine. Even when I've been unfaithful to you - indulging in the fleeting temptations of tea or soda or milk - you've stayed true to me. Despite your timeless popularity in society, you remain humble and available and I know you always will. When I meet with you - morning, night, or during those impromptu rendevous we sometimes have in the middle of the day - I know I'm in for delight, whether you're feeling hot or cold, bold or mild. You offer exactly what I need.


Dearest mud....I'm grateful that you're a part of my life. There's simply no replacement for you. I look forward to growing old with you by my side. Love, Dawn

Knock-Knock, Who's There?

Noah's Ark! Click www.worldviewweekend.com read the article about an expedition finding what appears to be chunks of the ark, as well as evidence of pottery and other such artifacts.
Personally, I really hope this pans out. Nothing annoys me more than hearing people say that the Bible is mythical and this would be one more slice of evidence that the Bible is HISTORY that HAPPENED.
Even more than that point, I just have an interest in the ark and the backstory there that we can only imagine (which I did in my first novel, Earth Undone. Um, no need to rush over to Amazon to buy it. It's currently unpublished. :) But if that ever changes, feel free to do the rushing and buying!).
John Kasich did a special report on this last Saturday night on Fox News, which I missed. I'm hoping to see more about this in the near future....I'll keep you updated!

If You Give A Mom A Cookie

This is in the June 2006 edition of Parenting magazine. I LOVE it because it is ABSOLUTELY correct!

If You Give A Mom A Cookie

If you give a mom a cookie,

She's going to want a latte to go with it.

But before she gets a latte, she has to find her toddler's pink ladybug boots.

To find the ladybug boots, she has to venture into the playroom.

When she tries to straighten up the playroom, she finds Daddy's left shoe, the salad bowl, and an open package of graham crackers. She also finds her cell phone.

So she'll yell at her toddler about the cell phone and wake up the baby from his morning nap.

But if she goes to pick up the baby, the cell phone will ring.

When she answers, it'll be the doctor's office reminding her that she had an appointment this morning and would she like to reschedule, say, sometime in November?

While she's trying to mentally re-create her calendar, the baby will start to cry.

Then her toddler will run in to see what's the matter and find the graham crackers.

When she finds the graham crackers, there'll be crumbs all over the playroom.

So the mom will get the broom from the hall closet and notice that Daddy forgot to buy diapers last night, as she asked.

But she will find her toddler's pink ladybug boots.

And when she finds the pink ladybug boots, she'll remember her emergency stash of diapers in the car.

So she'll wrestle her toddler and her baby into their car seats and drive to the store to buy more diapers and milk.

While she's buying the milk, she'll remember that she wanted that latte.

And if she manages to order her latte without a tantrum or poop episode from either of her kids....

Then she's going to need another cookie.

(Inspired by Laura Joffe Numeroff's If You Give A Mouse A Cookie)

Amen and amen.

Happy 50!

Yes, believe it or not, this is my 50th post. And to celebrate it, I'm going to share 50 random tidbits with ya'll that will be life changing and very, very helpful. Wisdom from yours truly.

Ahem. Clearing throat.

1. The best way to eat Oreo cookies is this - pour a tall glass of milk. Crumble cookies into milk. Eat with spoon. Enjoy.
2. If you're going to watch a DVD of The New World (Colin Farrell, Christian Bale), don't start it at 10 pm like I did last night. The movie is looooong. And you just keep watching to see if something earth shattering is going to happen. But it doesn't. The scenery is pretty, Pocahontas is an interesting character...but, really, how many times can you watch her run around and still care that she's running around?
3. Everwood is brilliant television and it is a TRAVESTY that it was cancelled. BUY THE DVDS.
4. Playing with play-dough is good therapy. But please don't wear that new perfume. Come on. Gross.
5. If you have a cavity that hurts like heck, don't insist on eating sweets. Hello, it hurts!
6. Read dooce.com. Funny stuff.
7. If you drink tea, drink it sweet. Take note, yankees of America! (And Disneyworld. I still think it's strange that Disneyworld doesn't offer sweet tea.)
8. Which reminds me. If you're pregnant and at Disneyworld, don't ride the teacups, ok? You WILL get sick.
9. Riding bikes on that compacted sand right next to the ocean is awesome. It feels like flying.
10. Go barefoot when at all possible. It's good for the soul.
11. Housework is best done to loud music that you can sing along to, such as soundtracks to musicals or Mariah Carey.
12. If you get the chance, work at a Vacation Bible School. Kool-Aid, songs with motions, kickball, puppets - what's not to like?
13. Disney movies rock. Old school films like Beauty and the Beast, the Little Mermaid, Lion King....and newer ones like Monsters Inc. and Toy Story are good.
14. When buying a house, make sure all the work is done BEFORE you move in.
15. If you have kids, read to them. They like it. Plus, it makes them smart.
16. Little Women? Love it. The book and the movie. Have Kleenex at hand.
17. Best Cereal: Smart Start, Special K / red berries, Basic4, Cocoa Pebbles, Booberry. Yum!
18. If you make your bed, your room automatically appears 85% cleaner.
19. Watch lightening bugs.
20. Make lists. They help.
21. Call your parents regularly. They love you.
22. My age! 22 that is. But not for long. Sigh. Soon 23 and then 30 and then 55 and so on.....
23. Being sarcastic to co-workers is great fun. Tell them you will do no work. Watch their eyes panic.
24. When at the movies, eat popcorn. It makes you feel like you're really at the movies.
25. GO ON VACATION.
26. Every now and then, treat yourself to a good breakfast. Eggs, bacon, biscuits. Waffles. Pancakes with strawberries. Chocolate milk.
27. Invest some time in the AMC and TCM channels. Worthwhile. Just this weekend I saw Pillowtalk with Doris Day and Rock Hudson for the first time. Classics are classics because they're quality!
28. If you run over enough curbs, that black piece underneath the front of your car will fall down and drag and then have to be pulled off. Trust me.
29. I don't get the whole Madonna thing. Really. I don't think she can sing. There. I said it. So what? So SUE ME, pop culture of the USA!!!
30. And while we're on that topic, I have to say it. Taylor Hicks? Really?
31. Those glow-in-the-dark stars are really cool until your grandparents sleep in your bed and the stars start falling off the ceiling and dinging Grandpa and Grandma in the head....
32. Avoid moving if you can. You lose stuff.
33. The CW network is a bad, bad idea.
34. Start an anti-tan campaign. Come on people, legs that haven't seen the sun in two years CAN be beautiful!!!!!! (Yes, I'm whimpering in the corner at the thought of bathing suits...)
35. Start a piggy bank for late fees at the library. It IS hard to get book back on time! It's kind of like fighting gravity or Lord Voldemorte.....(which may or may not be spelled with that e on the end, by the way.)
36. If your significant other or roommate loves to watch WWE wrestling and the like - just go ahead and break the television. All of them. You'll be doing yourself a favor.
37. Don't forget about board games! Friendly fun. (Unless there's cheating or trash talk. In which case arm yourself with darts.)
38. Goober pb&j is out of this world delicious. I'm talkin' eat out of the jar goood.
39. If you laugh while you discipline your kids, they don't actually get the point.
40. And I quote - "Alarm Clock bad Coffee good"
41. READ. For real. Just do it. It's like nutrition for your brain. Those people from school days that thought reading was dorky or dull? They were WRONG. These are the people who smash beer cans on their heads for fun. You're gonna' listen to their opinion of entertainment?
42. If you happen to like George Bush, have a stress ball near you if you read Anne Lammott's Plan B, Further Thoughts on Faith. She has very obvious issues with the president, and so if you do like him....there will be grinding of teeth in annoyance.
43. George Clooney is hot. Enough said.
44. Boiled peanuts. HATE THEM SO MUCH. Especially from the jar. It's disgusting and I figure a health hazard in some real way.
45. Plant a tree. It'll take time - ok, years - but when it's taller than you are, you'll feel quite accomplished. Plus, you're contributing to oxygen, which we all like.
46. If you go to church, don't talk about the preacher or his family. You think it won't get back to him or his feelings can't be hurt? It will and they can.
47. Snap green beans or shuck corn (but watch out for the eeny green worms!). It's satisfying to take your food from raw nature.
48. Make-up is a tool used to accent, not a face mask. Be careful with that stuff. In some hands, it's a weapon of mass destruction.
49. The UNC tarheels- the only team that matters.
And finally....
50. Start a blog. Then you, too, can make long winded, pointless lists just like this one and there is no one to stop you or to complain.

When There Are No Easy Answers

Several people in my life are facing difficult circumstances right now - the kind that causes you to wake in the middle of the night second guessing God and feeling like the warmth of your daily, happy life has been stripped away - and appropriate for today's downpour of rain - your entire body has been doused with icy water. I can't think of the right words to say or the big picture - but this song sung by Natalie Grant (written by someone else whose name escapes me) feels fitting.

Held

Two months is too little

they let him go, they had no sudden healing

To think that providence would take a child

from his mother while she prays is appalling-

Who told us we'd be rescued,

what has changed and why should we be saved

from nightmares?

We're asking why this happens

to us who have died to live

It's unfair

This is what it means

to be held, how it feels

when the sacred is torn from your life

and you survive

This is what it is

to be loved and to know

that the promise was

when everything fell,

we'd be held

This hand is bitterness

We wanna' taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow

The wise hand opens slowly

to lilies of the valley

and tomorrow

If hope is born of suffering,

if this is only the beginning

can we not wait for one hour,

watching for our Savior -

This is what it means to be held,

how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

and you survive

This is what it is

to be loved and to know

that the promise was

when everything fell,

we'd be held....

Named

When I was about twelve years old and at the height of my childhood akwardness (picture permed hair/big bangs/glasses/braces), I had this fuzzy image of the person I wanted to grow up to be. I wanted to be sophisticated, charming, stunningly intelligent. And, of course, beautiful just like Kelly from Saved by the Bell. Because, hello - then some Zack-like boy would fall in love with me and we'd live happily ever after in Paris.
As I grew older - sixteen, seventeen -, I still wanted to be all of those things. I just added in some other elements - I wanted to be successful, maybe famous, well traveled, and loving. Oh, and beautiful like Jennifer Aniston or Julia Roberts or Nicole Kidman. After all, wouldn't that be the key to finding someone who would love me and even better, really understand me? (and if that person was Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt, I'd be okay with it. :) )
In college, the list got longer. I had this idea that I'd like to be political, well versed in all literature, classical music, art. I wanted my world to be filled with books and music and beauty. And that longing that we all have for being understood grew. I actually found what I had thought was going to be a long time coming - love...but still, there was this nagging feeling that I could be better and different, that there was an intimate communion missing. I still floundered to pin down who I'd grow up to become.
Marriage and motherhood and a few more defining years have settled some of this searching - the things most important have come to the surface. Even more, I want my house filled with music and books and love. I've accepted that I'll never be Angelina Jolie (though my husband probably has not) and if I'm never on CNN lecturing for human rights - well, I'll get my opinions across one way or another, in God's specific timing.
I say all of this to say this: we all struggle to define ourselves, to figure out the woman or man that God intended us to be. And we all long to be known - truly known and understood as we are, even if we can't really see ourselves anymore or if those around us don't seem to see us.
I know that I unfairly lay this burden on those in my life, wishing they would 'name' me, to validate who I am.
The truth is - the amazing, hopeful, get me through dry spots and frustrating situations truth- is that the one who intimately understands me and loves me anyway is the same one who tenderly created me to begin with. And no matter how my images of myself change or how my life's requirements stick me in seemingly unbending roles, God still recognizes all of that dream stuff within me. He puts out steps so that little by little, as much as I can on this earth, I'll attain some portion of my desires, and be surrounded by friends that do see beyond the surface of my actions.
And in the life after this one - the life that's going to be so real - I will be exactly and perfectly who I need to be. There will be no more hesitation or wishes for change or cravings to wake up as someone else. He will give me the name that eternally answers the soul's yearning and aching. It will be the most intimate of knowledge - a sweet communion when He recognizes me as being changed into the glory of an eternal body, and still - forever - me. Just a new me, wholly the woman He has always intended.
Which totally beats even happily ever after in Paris.

"I will also give him a white stone, and on the stone a new name is inscribed that no one knows except the one who receives it." Rev. 1:17

Teeny Tiny Update

It has been a while - internet access has been hazy. In a nutshell, here's what you missed - boys got bigger, smarter, louder, faster. A cat adopted us and has now decided to help repopulate the earth (anyone need a kitten?). I started a new novel. And that's all I can come up with at the moment.
And, also, yay! for spring!

Christmas

It's about the cold, crisp air and an endless array of particularly shiny stars...it's the twinkling of lights and the smell of gingerbread...the feel of a warm mug of cocoa in your hands and the firelight reflecting on the faces of those you love...the sound of sacred notes ringing out the Carol of the Bells...the scent of Scotch-tape and the crackle of colorful paper being wrapped around gifts...the anticipation of watching your family and friends discover the present you picked out...the movies aimed directly at warming your heart...the cards that share sentiments not expressed enough throughout the year...it's the kind words and actions...it's children writing notes to Santa and leaving out a plate of cookies...it's Charlie Brown...it's ornaments and laughter...it's a tree covered with memories and children tingling with the mystery of it all...it's time earmarked for loving others.

But most of all, and most importantly - it's about a night that bridged the earth to Heaven. It's about a loving King seeing his people in need and deciding to take action. He wrapped himself up in the form of an innocent, vulnerable baby and entered our realm to live among us...so this most sacred of days is about a love - the love of Christ - that transcends our imagination and sacrifices everything just to win our hearts.

Thanks, Jesus, for the gift of You.

Merry Christmas.

Close Encounter

So my lunch was going well. Grabbed some chicken tenders and the remaining presents I needed. I was driving back to work when I ended up in a turning lane that I didn't need to be in. At the same moment a police car let me back into traffic, I realized that I did not have my seat belt on. So I'm sitting stiffly against my seat, going 'crapcrapcrapcrapcrap'. But I've NEVER been pulled over before, so I was just praying that God would forgive both my bad driving and seat beltlessness and let my clean record continue. But then he followed me into the next lane, onto the next road, and on my following turn. I was praying that it was a coincidence, praying with all my might, and then....
Blue lights.
Me, the girl with the out of date license and no seat belt on - oh. No. No, no, no, no.
So he gets out and mentions the turning lane incident, and then says - "but I pulled you over because your registration has expired. Can I see your license and registration?"
Me - meekly and shaking - "Yes, sir."
I hand him my license and take out the massive amount of car info from the glove compartment, hoping to find something clearly marked registration because I haven't the slightest idea what I'm looking for.
He stands there patiently and finally I say, "I'm so sorry to be such a girl. Can you tell me what it looks like?"
"It's a blue card."
"Oh." There is no blue card to be found and I just start to panic, saying all those wifely "I'm sorry, my husband usually takes care of this stuff' excuses.
"Is this your car, miss?" (As he looks into the backseat and I'm thinking, why didn't I clean out the backseat?)
"Yes, sir."
"When did you get the car?"
"Last October."
He goes to check my license, as it's so painfully obvious that I don't have that registration card.
And I'm thinking, I am in deep, mirelike, maggot infested crap. Because my maiden name is still on that card, along with my parent's address...and I've been married for three years, the car's registered as my new name, and I've had a million different addresses since I moved out. And WHERE IS THAT STUPID BLUE CARD?????
He comes back and I'm waiting for my fate, about to throw up on my steering wheel.
"Okay," he says, "You need to get your husband or whoever takes care of this to do it. Alright?" He uses this voice that clearly communicates that he is second guessing his decision to not give me twenty tickets.
Oh, the angels sing Alleluia!
"Yes, sir. We'll take care of it right away. Thank you."
He nods and goes back to his car and I am very close to hyperventilating.
He follows me almost back to work, and I'm so nervous the entire time. But I managed to keep the car on the road and escaped jail.
This is my Christmas miracle. Thank you, nice officer and nice God.